I Should Be Folding Laundry

Still here?

So, if you came to I Should Be Folding Laundry and it's still the same old site, click here: http://www.ishouldbefoldinglaundry.com or hit ctrl + F5. 

If the url you see at the top is bethf.typepad.com, then you have my old url.  Then type in or click http://www.ishouldbefoldinglaundry.com.

If you are reading this through a feed, make sure the feed url is www.ishouldbefoldinglaundry.com.  If you are still not seeing my new website, then call a doctor because your computer is broken.

JUST KIDDING!  Please let me know.  good luck!

It's just like getting a new car

So, you may be looking at my same old blog, or you may be looking at my BRAND NEW BLOG.

Either way, we are mid transition right now, so hang tight, could be in five minutes, five hours or at five in the morning before it's complete, you just never know.

See you soon!

What a week!

This past week has been a very interesting week for me.  Tuesday night, I had dinner with some of my best friends, three of whom are pregnant and due any day now.  Although knowing they are pregnant and seeing them is another painful reminder of our loss, seeing them, their glows, the anticipation in their eyes is just so exciting.  I can't wait to meet these little babies.  Between you and me, I think they've met James and Jake.  But that's our little secret.

Thursday, as I'm sure you all remember, was wonderful.

I just wanted to take a second to thank you all for being there with me every single day.  I know you all think that this blog is just a blog that gets traffic and that's that.  But I am just a dirty jean and yoga pant wearing (even though there ain't no yoga goin' on) real person, who sits here, sometimes with no bra on, surrounded by cereal stuck to my floor and doing what I can to get through the day, one day at a time, trying to be the best person I can be.  I have this blog because it's good therapy for me, it's fun to write, but also, I love hearing from all of you.

I've said it before, but I have no idea how I became so lucky to be able to have EACH AND EVERYONE of you come to my blog and read and sometimes comment.  (you know I love comments!  You're my friends, I love hearing from you!)

Last week I was having an I LOVE MY READERS moment (which happens all of the time) with Brian and I said "I just wish I could meet every single one of them."  Even those of you who have never commented, but you come daily to check in and read, sometimes cry, sometimes laugh.   This week your comments and e-mails have been so supportive and HILARIOUS.  (seriously...you guys are hysterical.)   I mean, Ashley is leaving comments about Seal's package and Sharon is leaving the most profound, amazing, beautiful, loving comment about our trees and honoring MY ENTIRE FAMILY with her words.  But each comment is filled with love, no matter how simple.  I even said to Brian that I wish I could host a live chat and get to know everyone.  That's why I love it when you guys share things with me, I get to learn about YOU.  I love that.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you.  Thank you for reading and coming back, for your words, your prayers, your smiles, your love.  I feel it, more than you could ever imagine.
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You may be seeing some changes here this weekend.  I am changing I Should Be Folding Laundry over to wordpress (finally) and Heather and I (Heather, who I have MAD love for) are working to make this blog a little bit neater, more beautiful and easier to navigate.

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I don't know if you've noticed,  but I do not do much blog surfing, not as much as I would like.  But one day this week, I took a few minutes to go read and I found this post by Anissa.  It's a must read.  Tell her Beth sent you.

Have a great weekend.

I bought my trees from the devil.

This story is long and complicated.  I'm going to tell it from the very start, as if you knew of none of the details.  If some of it seems redundant, I apologize....this is the longest story EVER. 

When we moved into our last home, in 2003, it was brand new, just like our current house.  We were in charge of the landscaping, which was fine with me because I love landscaping.  When it was time to create our flower beds, my Mom and I worked together to create something we loved.  She and I happened to find a beautiful crabapple tree, we had no idea what kind it was, I just loved the shape, it was so different, but so simple.  I was in love.

My sister lost a baby in 2004, we started the garden just two months after her loss, his name was Jonathon.  That tree was my Jonathon tree.  I had a brick engraved with his initials made at a local landscaping place, I placed the brick at the base of the tree.

As the years passed, this tree became better and better.  So, when we had to move, the thing that made me the saddest was leaving that beautiful little tree.  I expressed my love for the tree to the new owner and told her that if she ever decided she didn't like it and wanted to get rid of it, to please call me and I would try to relocate it.  She promised me that she, too, loved the tree and she would take care of it for as long as she lived there.  That made me feel better.

When we moved into this new house, I knew I wanted the same tree, except I wanted two of them, both of them being planted in honor of James & Jake.  The problem?  I had no idea what kind of tree it was.  I began my search at big name home improvement stores, in their gardening department.  My Mom even looked in her area.  We found nothing.

I didn't know what kind of tree I wanted, but I knew I wanted to have bricks made at the same place that did Jonathon's.  On a Friday, I went there to place my order and I began talking to the owner about this particular tree.  She walked with me to the area where all of her crabapples were and she let me browse.  And I found one.  I saw that it was called Lollipop Crabapple, but I also saw that the tree was $150!  Plus, she only had one.

I was excited to have found out the type of tree, but bummed that it was so expensive and that they only had one.  I began walking toward the store front to place my brick order when I spotted another one.  I went into the store and told her there was another one, right outside the store and she told me it wasn't a lollipop crabapple.

"Well, the tag says it is," I replied.

She then agreed that I was right, it was indeed a lollipop crabapple.  I left the store with the intention to continue searching for other lollipop crabapples that may be cheaper somewhere else.  But I also felt like these trees were THE TREES, something just told me so, it's like they were just waiting for us.  But $300 for trees?  I could not fathom paying that much.

That night, I wrote about our landscaping plan and planting trees and someone who lives in my area, Jen, she left a comment that said "tonight, my family and I were coming home and drove past the landscaping place out here, and there is a sign saying if your name is Beth or Brian, stop in for a free rose...."  I replied to her comment asking her which landscape place and she said told me.  It was the exact place I had been to just hours before.

My name is Beth, my husband's name is Brian.  The fact that our names were on the sign was just a coincidence.  or so it seemed.  To me, I felt like it was meant to be and really, even Brian couldn't disagree.  (I wrote about the whole sign thing here, you can see how excited I was about the whole thing.)

On Saturday afternoon, we decided to purchase the trees.  I got in the car and called my sister, Sarah, and told her about everything and I was absolutely, positively ecstatic.  I truly felt like I had been given a sign from James and Jake or some higher power.  (God?  The universe? My grandma?  I don't know.)  My sister asked me if I was going to tell the story to the person at the landscape place, I said I was thinking about it.  She encouraged me, telling me that they would be so happy to be a part of such happiness in our life right now.  I agreed and she said "call me as soon as you are done!"

I walked in and came across a "youngish" girl, who looked very young, but wasn't nearly as young as I thought she was.  (maybe between the age of 28-34?)   I told her what trees I wanted, we walked out of the store together and I showed her the one I wanted, the one near the store.  I tell her there is another one over there, I was pointing in the crabapple tree direction.  She told me that this one is the only one they have.  I corrected her and she said "oh, well, you know better than me, then."  She was joking.  I laughed.

She wasn't overly warm, but I couldn't image not telling someone at this place about these trees and their meaning in our lives.  So, I decided to just tell her, otherwise I would regret.

"So, I have a story to tell you," I say. 

"uh, oh."  she replied.

me - "No, it's nothing bad..."and I began telling her our story, the most sacred story I have, the one that I barely share with anyone, let alone strangers, but I trusted her and feel that it was necessary and right and so I shared this moment with her.  I told her we lost our twin sons in February...

her - aw.

At this point I felt her coldness and it hurt my feelings, but I continued.

her - she barely responded to me, in the middle of my telling her this story, she talked to employees, interrupting me, multiple times.  I felt like she was beating me up.

I finally got to the end of my story, which I wished I hadn't started and at one point in the story I felt like the biggest freakin' idiot telling this person this story and just wanted to end it right there, but I continued and then the last part of the story, I said "and then this person I know tells me she saw my name and my husband's name on your sign.."

She interrupts me "THAT IS NOT OUR SIGN.  THAT IS THE FLOWER SHOPS SIGN THAT IS INSIDE OUR STORE." 

I know.  I say.  I turned away from her, I said "wow." and I began walking away from her.  Tears filling my eyes.  She says sarcastically "yes, it's meant to be."  I continue to walk.

She was acting like the reason I was telling her this story was to get something for free.

I paid for my trees and a guy loads them into my van, I open the door, sit down and I start to cry. 

She didn't care.  She didn't care about me as a grieving mother, as a woman, as a human being.  She just didn't care and I felt like SUCH AN IDIOT for trusting her with this story.  How could she be so cold?  I felt so stupid that I had gone on and on about these trees on my blog and everyone was encouraging me to buy these trees and I do and it ends up like this.  why did I have to tell her this story?  I didn't have to share it.  WHY DID IT END UP THIS WAY?  I was heartbroken.  It may seem silly that I let this perfect stranger affect me so much, but that was beyond my control.  I tried to get rid of her evil, but I couldn't.  I had such a small amount of strength that weekend and she broke me.  She completely broke me.

I did not matter to her and that's okay, I can handle that.  But the lives of James and Jake did not matter to her, and that is not okay, and I can't handle that. 

Crying, I called Brian and asked him to call the store and ask if I can return the trees.  The owner answers the phone and tells him yes, but I would be charged a 15% restocking fee and a 6% credit card fee.  She wanted to know why I didn't want the trees, she saw me drive off the lot, what was the problem?

I get home and I am so upset I can hardly breathe, Brian, the kids and I sat on our love seat together as they all tried to make me feel better, asking about James and Jake and reminding me how special they are, that they do matter and that my family is amazing.  Even my four and five year old know how to deal with death and our loss, but this other woman did not.

A few minutes later, the phone rings.  It's a cell phone.  It's the girl who blew me off.

her - Beth?

me- yes.

her - The owners just told me that you just asked if you could return the trees.  Is there problem?

me - well, not with the trees.  I have a problem with you.  I told you this story, about the death of my babies and you acted completely and totally uninterested, like we didn't matter to you. 

her - Well.  I'm quite sorry you feel this way
me- I don't think you are.
her - I am quite sorry.  I have a one year old and I can't even imagine losing her. The lollipop crabapple is a great tree, the shade it provides, the shape, etc, etc. 
me- I KNOW why they are great trees.
her - I sell a lot of trees in memoriam, I guess I have just heard every story.  I guess I'm just hardened.
me - Well, perhaps in the future, you can keep in mind that these TREES and these STORIES are all some people have, maybe next time around you won't be so "hardened" or calloused.  You are so fortunate to have no idea what it feels like to be your customer, the person looking for trees, some of us aren't as lucky as you.   
her - Well, I'm quite sorry you feel that way
me - everything about these trees and this weekend are so significant to me, you ruined it.  I don't want your trees.  You turned the little bit of light I had this weekend and brought us only darkness.  I wish I had never gone into your store today.
her - I'm quite sorry you feel this way.  (completely emotionless, throughout our entire phone call)

I should probably mention to you that I was totally sobbing the entire time we were on the phone. 

She was such a jerk.  She was the devil.  I think she may be the only person I hate.

I wanted to take the trees and shove them, well, you know.  But I knew these trees were meant to be.  I can't figure out why whatever happened the way it happened, but either way, those trees were meant to be and she will not be taking that away from us.

On July 20th, the next morning, my due date.  The phone rings again...it's her.  Oh good, I thought, she feels bad, she's going to give me a real apology.

"Hi Beth, it's jerk face from the jerk face store, I just wanted to let you know that the person who told you about our return policy was wrong, you MAY NOT return the trees."

Oh my God, are you serious, I remained calm and told her I planned to keep them. 
"greeeeaaaatttt.  They are great trees.  Again, I'm quite sorry."
"sure you are."
I hung up and wound up calling her back because her story didn't make sense and I knew she was lying to me, I mean, the OWNER told my husband what the return policy was.  The owner was wrong?  She gave me a reason why the owner was wrong, basically she said the owner didn't know I had taken the trees off of the lot.

I told Brian what she said after we hung up and said "she's lying, I told the owner you had the trees, she knew it because she saw you driving away."

So, basically she just wanted to ruin my day.  But she didn't. 

But I will never EVER step foot in that place again...and if you live in this area, I hope you don't either. 

(I know you don't know where I'm talking about, but if you live in the area (northwest Indiana) and you e-mail me, I will tell you, oh yes, I will tell you.)

Oh and if anyone tells me I was too sensitive.  I will cut you.  For real.

Even though it's raining outside.

*updated below*

I know I said I would tell you the story about the trees today, but, OH MY GOSH, today has been amazing.  And it's only 11:22 am.  (and the tree story is difficult for me, so I'll just push that little item to tomorrow's to-do list, k?)

I was on the phone with Christy this morning telling her about everything and she said "you should share this on your blog."

So, I'm going to.  I have to preface everything by saying that I really do not like talking about things that I "get," as in material possessions.  So, if I seem shallow and weak, well, that's okay.

I'm allowed. 

First of all, a couple of things:

1.) I love Seal.  If I could meet anyone, it would be Seal.  I would eat him for dinner, night after night after night.   I would make him dinner, night after night after night.  (which says a lot)  I have loved him since high school and have been devoted ever since.  He's handsome, he's poetic, he's emotional, he's awesome.

In high school, my boyfriend (at the time) and I bought tickets to see him at a huge venue in Chicago.  We got lost on the way there, we were totally late and we were seven miles from the stage. I swear we saw him sing four songs.  I bought a t-shirt and wore it to bed for years.  and stopped when it shrunk.  ahem.

Seal doesn't tour much, I'm not sure why.

2.)  I bought a new camera.  I loved my D40X, but I knew the day would come when I would want a better camera and I knew a day would come when I'd want to learn more about photography and hope that some day I would do it professionally.  I didn't know the day would come less than a year after buying the D40x.  I had many people offer to buy my D40x before I even mentioned buying a better camera.  So, we found a really, really good deal on eBay for the camera I wanted with five lenses, tripods, 16 gb of memory, and TONS of other stuff. We ordered it last Thursday.

3.)  I was planning to join Weight Watchers today, but I hesitated because it's so FREAKIN' EXPENSIVE.  (see #2 if you wonder why that matters...)

4.) Remember when my kitchen flooded one week after moving into our brand new house?  Remember that?  Brian was out of town?  I can remember trying to vacuum up the water into the shop vac and wanting to collapse in defeat, right there into the water, but I also remember thinking, something good has to come out of this.  Well, not only did it flood our ktichen, but our basement, too, and inside our basement were some couches that we had purchased before our current set. 

Okay, so...
Because the flood ruined our couches, we were able to buy a new set thanks to our trusty home insurance.  And it came in yesterday and we LOVE it.

Then, this morning?  My camera came in.  (HOORAY FOR FED EX!)

Then, while I was waiting patiently (read: sitting by it and staring at it) for my camera battery to charge, a commercial came on TV, which is crazy because I NEVER have the TV on in the morning and there was a commercial saying Seal was coming to Northwest Indiana.  I almost had a heart attack right there.  I went to tickmaster.com to see where else he was playing and the only other scheduled performance is in San Diego.  He's playing twice.  Once in San Diego and the other in Northwest Indiana.  The tickets go on sale tomorrow, but what I would give to MEET him.  OH MY GOSH, I feel so silly being so in love with a star, but seriously?  He is it for me.  JUST HIM, nobody else.  Anyway, presale tickets are on sale now, but we need an AMEX to buy them.  SONOFABITCH!

Then I called Christy and spazzed about Seal and saw the mail came.  I told her "if I go to the mailbox and my paycheck came?  It will make the greatest day!"

So, I went out to get the mail and get Ariel off of the bus (in the pouring rain) and my check was in there, along with a postcard from Weight Watchers asking me to come back and offering me 25% off.  What are the chances?!

Days that are overflowing with joy are so special to me.  The excitement I am feeling today is immeasurable, and I appreciate it so much.  More than I ever have before.

I have to go take pictures, pray for good Seal tickets, sit on my new couch and join Weight Watchers.  But first we need to sing and dance with Seal and celebrate this very, very good day.  It's a family affair, we can't wait for Daddy to join us later on.

update! We got the tickets! It's pretty fun being 31 years old and going around and asking folks if they have an Amex, Brian asked a co-worker and viola! WE ARE GOING TO SEE SEAL!! (I may die of a heart attack before then, but that's okay!) And since I wrote this a few hours ago, our broken Wii that we sent to the Wii people, was returned to us this afternoon and it works!  The good day continues.  Well except that the good people at Weight Watchers charged my account three times and they aren't responding to me, but I'll just pretend that's not happening, m'kay? And Seal, if you are reading this, and I'm sure you are, I promise I won't be a crazy person should you want to meet me.  Promise.

A break

No, I'm not taking a blogging break!  I just got a break from my blogger's block and I wrote over here.  I look forward to seeing you over there and I look forward to reading your feedback.  You will leave me feedback, right?

And to those who requested that I write about my trees, I will, tonight or tomorrow.  Promise.

Oh and I'm fat, so guess what?  I'm joining Weight Watchers tomorrow.  I'm so sick of being fat and hating being fat and I'm sick of not doing anything about it and I'm ready to be proud of myself of again and feel good wherever I go.  So, I must join Weight Watchers, tonight I'll have my Farewell to Fat dinner...Papa John's.

Christy's doing it with me.  Last time we did Weight Watchers together we lost like 70,000 pounds.  We both kept it off, even during pregnancy.  For me, after losing James and Jake I l lost the weight I gained from my pregnancy so quickly because I just never ate.  And then eating started to feel good and well, I just never stopped eating.  And here I am, wanting to lose about 20 pounds.  And it makes it so much easier doing it with someone else.

So, who's going to do it with us?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Bueller

um...help?

I don't know about you all, but we had such a great holiday weekend.  It was very relaxing and it started out with me cleaning bathrooms on Saturday morning, which really does make me happy.  Well not so happy while I was doing it...but definitely happy after I did it...but that only lasted about four minutes until my kids and husband went into the bathroom and squirted toothpaste all over the cabinets and the boys peed all over everything.

But due to our relaxing, non-eventful weekend which included pools, beaches, bratwurst and smores...I have nothing to blog about, except pools, beaches, bratwurst and smores.

And dirty bathrooms, apparently.

Can you help me come up with something to blog about? PLEASE?

In the meantime, I'll share some pictures with you, how's that sound? 

If you look closely at this picture, you'll see the Chicago Skyline:

Now, I am gnot a gnome lover, but Crooked Eyebrow bought two of these gnomes for me, they're about three inches tall and well, I just love them!

Here's a picture of one of the trees we have for James and Jake, you can see the bricks we had made with their names on it.  This is the tree that was most severely eaten by the bastard beetles, it's in my backyard and gets lots of love and attention from the sun and me, of course. 

Oh and I'll leave you with a picture of my sister's friend, Katie, who happens to read my blog.  I was lucky enough to spend time with Katie when I visited my sister in Louisville last month.  Katie is really fun, but all of a sudden she started to taunt me and tell me that I would never be able to break up with Wal-Mart, it was pretty mean, just look at her mean face:

Mean girl.  I'll just blame all of the mojitos she had been drinking.

That's it!  That's all I've got!  Seriously, help me get rid of my blogger's block, m'kay?  Do you have topics, ideas, questions? Anything?  Share them with me. 

HURRY. 

Help a sista out.

My friend, Jen, at Daily Mish Mash is in need of your creative assistance.  She and I are working on a site redesign for her blog and we have everything just about set...she just needs a new tagline.

So, go over there and show her how smart, witty and creative you are and help a sista out.

Thanks much.  Y'all are the best!

FINALLY.

I'm embarrassed to be doing this,  But it's been bothering me that I haven't, so today is the day.

Remember 85,000 years ago, when I asked you all to ask me questions and many of you did and it took me like 19 years to answer most of the questions?

Well, I never finished answering them and I feel so badly because you all took the time to ask and I just never answered, I think about it EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I know.  I'm sick. 

I can let my toilets go dirty for a long time, but not answering questions from my readers is completely unacceptable. 

So, although it's been since APRIL (OMG!), today is the day to answer the remaining questions.  And believe me...I will be asking for more questions very, very soon, so start thinking.

And I'll even answer them, within six months, next time around.

First question:

These questions came from Aimee in Port Orange, she asks:

Whats your favorite meal?  Do you have any guilty pleasures? If so what?
Anytime you talk about food, you are a friend of mine.  (note to self: write post about being fat and join weight watchers tomorrow.  or the day after that.)

I think one of my favorite meals is my Mom's meatloaf with mashed potatoes.  So good.  So fattening.

Do I have guilty pleasures?  No.  Unless you count eating 32 milk chocolate covered cashews everyday a guilty pleasure.  (Christy sent me almost three pounds of them last week and I may or may not be almost out of them already.)  or Concrete Mixers from Culver's with oreos and peanut butter cups in them.

A questions from KristiW:

What is your favorite talk show? What was your favorite show growing up?  When is your birthday?
I used to love me some Oprah, but I haven't watched it in months.  Mainly because her episodes seemed to be boring (is it just me?) but also because I just ran out of time.  I very rarely watch TV.

Now, when I was a child, I watched me some TV.  I loved Different Strokes and What's Happenin' (hey! hey! hey!) and Who's the Boss and um...FAMILY TIES!  I always wanted a kitchen door that pushed that way.  You know, the kind in EVERY SINGLE SITCOM in the 70's and 80's.

Now Brenda asks some hard hitting questions, she cuts right to the chase and you know what?  I kinda like it.
 
If this is too personal or too painful to answer, please feel free to ignore it.  Do you think you will have any more children? What do you love about being married?  Do you feel as though your life is how you planned?  What are some things you still want to do in your lifetime? Name some specifics, like before your children are grown and afterwards.

Do I think I'll have more children?

Do you have a few hours?

Short answer.  I don't know.  Instead of being excited at the thought of taking a pregnancy test, I now fear it.  I dread pregnancy, but I really do want another child.  Maybe two.  I don't think I have ever been so scared of something in my entire life.  Is it possible we are done having children?  Yes.  And that scares me, too.

What do I love about being married? I love a lot about being married.  I love being okay with doing nothing at night and sitting in my pajamas, I love having someone know me really, really well.  I love going to sleep with my husband by my side, I love that he loves me.  A lot.  And when I say "can you run to Culver's and get me a concrete mixer?"  I love that he rolls his eyes, smiles and says okay.

What do I want to do in my lifetime?  I want to take photography more seriously.  (more news on that later.....) I want to drive to California with the kids.  I would also like to write more.  However, I feel very fulfilled, I have an amazing family, I get paid to write, I get paid to design and soon, I hope, I'll get paid to take pictures.

And from Antonette:
 

If you were given the opportunity to go to ANY college for free right now and take ANY class(es) you wanted...what would you take and which college would you choose?  I don't really care what school, but I would love to take an insane amount of photography, photoshop and business classes.

Did you know colleges actually offer Blogging classes?  WHO KNEW?!
From Peggy:

First, a semi-serious one: You have referred to working at home -- do you mean blogging or do you have another job as well (besides, of course, that motherhood gig!)? When you asked this question I was working for the Chicago AMA, ten hours a week.  Now I am part owner of ruby & roja design and I work like 7,000 hours a week.  And I love it.

Second, a simply silly one:  What kind of purse do you carry? It's Fossil and it's purty.

Kristin asks:

Do you sleep with your socks ON or OFF?  LOL  OH MY GOSH, you may say LOL, but I take this question very, very seriously.  I sleep with my socks OFF.  No matter how cold it is!

And another hard hitting question, this time from Tricia.  How is your husband dealing with the loss of the twins ? And how is he dealing with your emotions? Do you feel alone at times because I'm sure he is supportive.

Brian, I don't think, is dealing with the loss of the twins.  That's just my opinion, it's his nature, his genes, to force himself to not think about the difficulty of a situation.  He finds his silver lining and only thinks about that.  And it annoys the crap out of me.  Some see that as a good quality, but I don't.  But that's how he is and there is nothing I can do about it. 

I almost always feel alone.  I think that's pretty normal, I'm getting pretty used to it, really.  The most venting I do is on this blog, so if he sees I'm upset, he'll just read my blog and then talk to me about it.  I know it's sad and seems dysfunctional, but I feel very strongly that if I did have not this outlet, I would hold everything in.  Just like my husband.

And then I would lose my mind.

I love this question from Tracy.  What does your joy look like today?
Tracy, I know you wrote this question for me way back in April.  But I think I was meant to answer it today.  My joy, seems a little bit limited today.  I'm not sure why.  Some days are difficult, some are amazing.  Some are just...okay and blah.  That's today.  However, even in my darkest hour, I see joy.  I see it in my children, my husband, my home that is way too messy, the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I had for lunch and the beer I'll have later on.
Marci asks:

What one food would you have the most trouble giving up?
Pizza.  No doubt about it.
and ice cream.
(and chocolate)
My friend Mrs. Schmitty wants to know:

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? In my younger years, I had high hopes to be a cashier at grocery store.  All that scanning and number punching would make my head spin.

But then I decided that maybe I wanted to do something else...so in high school I declared I would be a journalist.

But I did not.

And Lovelyn asks a very simple question that I have spent many hours trying to answer.  It's a toughie.  (I love Lovelyn, she lives near me, I created her blog header and I love it and she's pregnant with her fourth girl.  She's beautiful.)
Dylan, Brandon or Steve?

ummm...hmmmm...let me see....I don't know.  Who are these people?

Janb wanted to know:

Do you wear socks to bed?  Um never.  I would die.

Beth, Why did your parents name you what they did? Is there a story?  How about your grandparents? What do you most remember about them? My parents named me Beth because I have no idea.  And I would call my Mom and ask her but she's taking a nap.  So, I'll just assume she named me Beth because that is her middle name.  She's Mary Beth.  I'm Beth Helen and my grandma's name was Helen Anna Pauline.  (and Anna is Ariel's real name.  shhhh....don't tell Brian I told you. and her middle name is the same as my middle name.  Aren't we cute?)

Seriously.  Don't tell Brian.

What do I remember about my grandparents?  There house had the most distinct smell ever.  It was wonderful.  My grandma had an interest in everything...nature, flowers, vegetable gardening, weather, farming, animals.  Everything.  She loved life and died way too early.  I miss her so much, we all do.  She was amazing.  I can only hope to be a quarter of how great she was.

My grandpa?  He's still alive.  He's feisty and sometimes angry and grouchy and I think he's pretty pissed that he's still alive, but sometimes I think it's an act.  He does have a good heart and he was a really hard worker, a farmer, a fireman, he could fix ANYTHING.

They both gave wonderfully, wet kisses.

My other set of grandparent's passed away.  My grandfather, we called him "Top," not grandpa (I'm not sure why), he passed away when I was quite young.  He was very tall and I remember him holding me in his arms as if his arms were a swing and he'd swing me up and down.  It was a blast.

When my niece was 2 or 3 I decided to play the same game with her, but at the first swing I dropped her on her head.  That was fun. (back off, I was like 12)

My other Grandma was very, very short.  When I think about her, I want to put her in my pocket.  She always had jewelry on and her house was always clean.  She was a very sweet, loving woman.  She also always said she was 21.  I always believed her.  I was an idiot.

I am very blessed to have had the grandparents I had.  I wish I had spent more time with them.

Great questions, Jan! (I miss you, by the way!)

Kelly asks:

If you had all the money in the world - what would you buy?

I think one thing I would do is buy a massive piece of land, in North Carolina, for my entire family, you know, should they want to move into a free house.  (we would all live separately) I would like to hire a landscaper to help me create a beautiful garden, filled with wild flowers and plants and lollipop crabapples, ponds, waterfalls and benches.  This garden would be filled with birds and butterflies, flying all throughout the day.  It would be completely and totally dedicated to not just my boys, but all of the people in our family we have lost.  This is the one place I would feel comfortable spreading some of their ashes.

I'm sure I would donate a lot of money, too.  And I'd buy a lot of donuts.

Rach wants to know:

Would you ever want to be pregnant with twins again? I ask because my first pregnancy was twins - only one survived. And sometimes I think I want twins again, and sometimes thinking of being pregnant with twins again fills me with dread - too much at stake, you know?

One of the greatest joys I have ever known was being pregnant with twins.  Having identical twin brothers, I know that bond that is created and it's one of the most amazing things I have ever witnessed.  Would I love to be pregnant with twins again?  Yes.  Honestly.

However, what I really want is a healthy child, a healthy pregnancy.  Whether there is one or ten, it makes no difference to me.