I don't even want to talk about. But I'm going to anyway.

It's ironic that tomorrow is Fat Tuesday.  Which means today is Fat Tuesday Eve.  How freakin' appropriate.

Today started out depressing and ended up depressing and now I want to roll around in chocolate chips cookies and pizza rolls, but I won't because then I would have to clean it up.

This morning, I went in for my Monthly Weight Watcher Weigh-In.  For my new readers out there, I joined Weight Watchers on February 8th, 2006, and on that day, a very strong willed girl entered my body and vowed to lose weight and to never cheat and to start working out.  I lost 32 lbs in four months.  After four months, I met my goal and I have maintained my wait since June of last year.  I love the fact that I lost this weight, nothing feels better than to walk into a store and see something and buy it and love it.  Nothing feels better than to see a picture of yourself and like it and nothing feels better than seeing yourself fat and thinking, "I did something about it."  I go every month to be weighed and I must be within 2 lbs of my goal weighed to be considered at goal weight.  If I'm not at my goal weight, or within 2 lbs of that weight...I have to pay 12 BUCKS.

Well, let's just say I'm 12 bucks poorer.  (I missed it by one pound.)  And man, does that get my goat.  I was very surprised and very irritated.  What was even more irritating was the girl who told me the bad news.  She kept saying "I'm sorry, I'm SO sorry."  It was all I could do to keep myself from stuffing a points calculator into her mouth and walk away.  But, I didn't.  AND, she said "weren't you going to start working with us??"  (WW had offered me a job last summer, I turned them down because I don't have anyone to watch my kids and they pay SO TERRIBLY I would LOSE money to pay a sitter.)  I said "well, yeah, I considered it, but...look, I'm weighing in with my kids.  Kinda says it all, " I said while pointing at my kids trying to step on the scales.   She agreed and I'm pretty sure she said "bye Fat Ass" but maybe that was my paranoia. 

So, I went and paid Sheila 12 DOLLARS and all I could think about was how many Oatmeal Creme Pies 12 DOLLARS would buy me.  (144) So, I hung my head in shame, looking down at my dirty yoga pants and I swear I could hear snickering.  But again, paranoia.

THEN, THEN!  To make matters worse.  I went swimsuit shopping tonight.  Holy Mary Mother of All That is Good in This World.   WHY DON'T THEY MAKE BATHING SUITS TO FIT PEOPLE WITH FLOPPY STOMACHS??  WHY WHY WHY?  I want to start a bathing suit line called "Jelly Bellies.  For Moms with too much skin."   Because, seriously, I want to lay in a ball and cry now.  But I won't.  I do feel discouraged, but it's okay.  Who cares that I'm going to Florida next week and can't spend time in a pool, I'll just lounge around the pool with my yoga pants rolled up to my thighs.   

While eating an Oatmeal Creme Pie.

Comments

[Penny]

Oh Beth. :( I am so sorry. you can do it. It is a life long effort. I been really trying hard to lose enough weight to fit into a dress for my sister wedding. It sucks. birthday cake is everywhere.

[dcrmom]

Ugh. That sucks. Isn't it amazing what one or two pounds will do to your self-esteem!? I'm fighting with a couple pounds right now that won't seem to budge. If I could just lose three, my clothes would be SO much more comfy. But they just aren't coming off.

And the jelly bellies. I feel your pain! Invent that swimline, and you'll be a millionaire!

[Tracey]

Okay, I'm laughing, but I'm laughing WITH you, not AT you. Because you make fat funny (not that you are fat! you know what I mean).

Here's the thing - you missed it by 1 pound. Now, math isn't my strong point, but by my calculations, that still means that you are quite a bit skinnier than you were a year ago. So that is an accomplishment. Hold your head high!

[Tracy]

Beth, sorry to hear about those $%^&ing 2 pounds! You can lose this weight. Keep your head up and your hands away from the food. Go get yourself an bathing suit girl. Wait until you see the amount of people that put suits on that shouldn't be. You should be proud of yourself in your suit!! You are one person that should have one on.

[J.Fergie]

awww hang in there Beth! At least you WENT to your weigh-in. I'm such a chicken, and I know I haven't been a good girl these past 2 weeks, that I purposely MISSED my weigh-in on Sunday. Now that's pathetic. Staying at your goal weight for so long is something to be proud of! And you only missed it by 1lb. So don't be so hard on yourself :-) And...you might want to lay off the creme pies (just SOUNDS like at least 8 points to me)

*hugs*

[Lynette]

OMG you are flippin' hilarious! I agree with the whole bathing suit issue you mentioned. It is discouraging. What's a mom to do with all that extra skin? Seriously?!

You'll get that one extra pound off in no time at all. For goodness sake - it's only one pound. That's nothing in the big scope of things. Except that it cost you $12. You are a good girl that you attended your weigh-in in the first place. Your consistency will pay off and so far it looks like it has with one minor set back which in all honesty I wouldn't even call it a setback.

[Laurie & Chris]

Hang in there you ONLY missed it by one !!! One pound could have been that extra sip of water you took before you went to the weigh in! I hate bathing suit shopping also. Why don't they think of us " big Boned Girls:) when they make these things! Also I like me behine covered thank you very much!! Hanging in there!!

[Elisa]

You lost 32 pounds in 4 months? Wow, teach me! I can't afford $12 a wk.

[Jenn B]

Oh, I'm sooo bummed that you had 1 pound standing between you and a paid weigh-in. You have so much discipline to lose 32 lbs in 4 months and KEEP it off. You look absolutely AWESOME! Even if it cost you $12 this month, the investment in your long-term health is priceless.

[mieoux]

Regarding the imaginary snickers and such - yes, you're being paranoid. Most likely only you and the person who weighed you know that you are what one burp from "goal weight". You have worked hard and made mad progess!Keep at it. The problem with weight is that it puts your struggles out there for you and everyone else to see. Everyone has struggles they are just not always visible, so if you ever think someone is snickering at you or anything crazy like that, they are not, most likely they didn't even notice the 1lb or 5lbs or whatever, but if they did, they are likely nodding their head and saying "I understand, it's kind of like what I have dealing with Y" where Y is whatever they are dealing with at the time. You are not alone, everyone has something, it could be a hundred different things. Trust me no one is snickering behind your back.