I Should Be Folding Laundry

Help a sista out.

My friend, Jen, at Daily Mish Mash is in need of your creative assistance.  She and I are working on a site redesign for her blog and we have everything just about set...she just needs a new tagline.

So, go over there and show her how smart, witty and creative you are and help a sista out.

Thanks much.  Y'all are the best!

FINALLY.

I'm embarrassed to be doing this,  But it's been bothering me that I haven't, so today is the day.

Remember 85,000 years ago, when I asked you all to ask me questions and many of you did and it took me like 19 years to answer most of the questions?

Well, I never finished answering them and I feel so badly because you all took the time to ask and I just never answered, I think about it EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I know.  I'm sick. 

I can let my toilets go dirty for a long time, but not answering questions from my readers is completely unacceptable. 

So, although it's been since APRIL (OMG!), today is the day to answer the remaining questions.  And believe me...I will be asking for more questions very, very soon, so start thinking.

And I'll even answer them, within six months, next time around.

First question:

These questions came from Aimee in Port Orange, she asks:

Whats your favorite meal?  Do you have any guilty pleasures? If so what?
Anytime you talk about food, you are a friend of mine.  (note to self: write post about being fat and join weight watchers tomorrow.  or the day after that.)

I think one of my favorite meals is my Mom's meatloaf with mashed potatoes.  So good.  So fattening.

Do I have guilty pleasures?  No.  Unless you count eating 32 milk chocolate covered cashews everyday a guilty pleasure.  (Christy sent me almost three pounds of them last week and I may or may not be almost out of them already.)  or Concrete Mixers from Culver's with oreos and peanut butter cups in them.

A questions from KristiW:

What is your favorite talk show? What was your favorite show growing up?  When is your birthday?
I used to love me some Oprah, but I haven't watched it in months.  Mainly because her episodes seemed to be boring (is it just me?) but also because I just ran out of time.  I very rarely watch TV.

Now, when I was a child, I watched me some TV.  I loved Different Strokes and What's Happenin' (hey! hey! hey!) and Who's the Boss and um...FAMILY TIES!  I always wanted a kitchen door that pushed that way.  You know, the kind in EVERY SINGLE SITCOM in the 70's and 80's.

Now Brenda asks some hard hitting questions, she cuts right to the chase and you know what?  I kinda like it.
 
If this is too personal or too painful to answer, please feel free to ignore it.  Do you think you will have any more children? What do you love about being married?  Do you feel as though your life is how you planned?  What are some things you still want to do in your lifetime? Name some specifics, like before your children are grown and afterwards.

Do I think I'll have more children?

Do you have a few hours?

Short answer.  I don't know.  Instead of being excited at the thought of taking a pregnancy test, I now fear it.  I dread pregnancy, but I really do want another child.  Maybe two.  I don't think I have ever been so scared of something in my entire life.  Is it possible we are done having children?  Yes.  And that scares me, too.

What do I love about being married? I love a lot about being married.  I love being okay with doing nothing at night and sitting in my pajamas, I love having someone know me really, really well.  I love going to sleep with my husband by my side, I love that he loves me.  A lot.  And when I say "can you run to Culver's and get me a concrete mixer?"  I love that he rolls his eyes, smiles and says okay.

What do I want to do in my lifetime?  I want to take photography more seriously.  (more news on that later.....) I want to drive to California with the kids.  I would also like to write more.  However, I feel very fulfilled, I have an amazing family, I get paid to write, I get paid to design and soon, I hope, I'll get paid to take pictures.

And from Antonette:
 

If you were given the opportunity to go to ANY college for free right now and take ANY class(es) you wanted...what would you take and which college would you choose?  I don't really care what school, but I would love to take an insane amount of photography, photoshop and business classes.

Did you know colleges actually offer Blogging classes?  WHO KNEW?!
From Peggy:

First, a semi-serious one: You have referred to working at home -- do you mean blogging or do you have another job as well (besides, of course, that motherhood gig!)? When you asked this question I was working for the Chicago AMA, ten hours a week.  Now I am part owner of ruby & roja design and I work like 7,000 hours a week.  And I love it.

Second, a simply silly one:  What kind of purse do you carry? It's Fossil and it's purty.

Kristin asks:

Do you sleep with your socks ON or OFF?  LOL  OH MY GOSH, you may say LOL, but I take this question very, very seriously.  I sleep with my socks OFF.  No matter how cold it is!

And another hard hitting question, this time from Tricia.  How is your husband dealing with the loss of the twins ? And how is he dealing with your emotions? Do you feel alone at times because I'm sure he is supportive.

Brian, I don't think, is dealing with the loss of the twins.  That's just my opinion, it's his nature, his genes, to force himself to not think about the difficulty of a situation.  He finds his silver lining and only thinks about that.  And it annoys the crap out of me.  Some see that as a good quality, but I don't.  But that's how he is and there is nothing I can do about it. 

I almost always feel alone.  I think that's pretty normal, I'm getting pretty used to it, really.  The most venting I do is on this blog, so if he sees I'm upset, he'll just read my blog and then talk to me about it.  I know it's sad and seems dysfunctional, but I feel very strongly that if I did have not this outlet, I would hold everything in.  Just like my husband.

And then I would lose my mind.

I love this question from Tracy.  What does your joy look like today?
Tracy, I know you wrote this question for me way back in April.  But I think I was meant to answer it today.  My joy, seems a little bit limited today.  I'm not sure why.  Some days are difficult, some are amazing.  Some are just...okay and blah.  That's today.  However, even in my darkest hour, I see joy.  I see it in my children, my husband, my home that is way too messy, the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I had for lunch and the beer I'll have later on.
Marci asks:

What one food would you have the most trouble giving up?
Pizza.  No doubt about it.
and ice cream.
(and chocolate)
My friend Mrs. Schmitty wants to know:

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? In my younger years, I had high hopes to be a cashier at grocery store.  All that scanning and number punching would make my head spin.

But then I decided that maybe I wanted to do something else...so in high school I declared I would be a journalist.

But I did not.

And Lovelyn asks a very simple question that I have spent many hours trying to answer.  It's a toughie.  (I love Lovelyn, she lives near me, I created her blog header and I love it and she's pregnant with her fourth girl.  She's beautiful.)
Dylan, Brandon or Steve?

ummm...hmmmm...let me see....I don't know.  Who are these people?

Janb wanted to know:

Do you wear socks to bed?  Um never.  I would die.

Beth, Why did your parents name you what they did? Is there a story?  How about your grandparents? What do you most remember about them? My parents named me Beth because I have no idea.  And I would call my Mom and ask her but she's taking a nap.  So, I'll just assume she named me Beth because that is her middle name.  She's Mary Beth.  I'm Beth Helen and my grandma's name was Helen Anna Pauline.  (and Anna is Ariel's real name.  shhhh....don't tell Brian I told you. and her middle name is the same as my middle name.  Aren't we cute?)

Seriously.  Don't tell Brian.

What do I remember about my grandparents?  There house had the most distinct smell ever.  It was wonderful.  My grandma had an interest in everything...nature, flowers, vegetable gardening, weather, farming, animals.  Everything.  She loved life and died way too early.  I miss her so much, we all do.  She was amazing.  I can only hope to be a quarter of how great she was.

My grandpa?  He's still alive.  He's feisty and sometimes angry and grouchy and I think he's pretty pissed that he's still alive, but sometimes I think it's an act.  He does have a good heart and he was a really hard worker, a farmer, a fireman, he could fix ANYTHING.

They both gave wonderfully, wet kisses.

My other set of grandparent's passed away.  My grandfather, we called him "Top," not grandpa (I'm not sure why), he passed away when I was quite young.  He was very tall and I remember him holding me in his arms as if his arms were a swing and he'd swing me up and down.  It was a blast.

When my niece was 2 or 3 I decided to play the same game with her, but at the first swing I dropped her on her head.  That was fun. (back off, I was like 12)

My other Grandma was very, very short.  When I think about her, I want to put her in my pocket.  She always had jewelry on and her house was always clean.  She was a very sweet, loving woman.  She also always said she was 21.  I always believed her.  I was an idiot.

I am very blessed to have had the grandparents I had.  I wish I had spent more time with them.

Great questions, Jan! (I miss you, by the way!)

Kelly asks:

If you had all the money in the world - what would you buy?

I think one thing I would do is buy a massive piece of land, in North Carolina, for my entire family, you know, should they want to move into a free house.  (we would all live separately) I would like to hire a landscaper to help me create a beautiful garden, filled with wild flowers and plants and lollipop crabapples, ponds, waterfalls and benches.  This garden would be filled with birds and butterflies, flying all throughout the day.  It would be completely and totally dedicated to not just my boys, but all of the people in our family we have lost.  This is the one place I would feel comfortable spreading some of their ashes.

I'm sure I would donate a lot of money, too.  And I'd buy a lot of donuts.

Rach wants to know:

Would you ever want to be pregnant with twins again? I ask because my first pregnancy was twins - only one survived. And sometimes I think I want twins again, and sometimes thinking of being pregnant with twins again fills me with dread - too much at stake, you know?

One of the greatest joys I have ever known was being pregnant with twins.  Having identical twin brothers, I know that bond that is created and it's one of the most amazing things I have ever witnessed.  Would I love to be pregnant with twins again?  Yes.  Honestly.

However, what I really want is a healthy child, a healthy pregnancy.  Whether there is one or ten, it makes no difference to me.

 

 

Not that I care or anything...

but...um...I'm a little close to being in the top 12 of the Hot Blogger Calendar vote.  Which is only cool because of going to New York City n' all.

Now, I know I ask a lot of you, what with you all talking me off of a ledge every other day, but if you haven't voted for me, or haven't voted at all for that matter, why don't you just click here and vote for me?  (please disregard the longest run-on sentence in all of history) 

Now, by my rough estimation, if all of you headed over there and voted for me, I would be in first place.  I'm just sayin'. But the good news is that I don't have to be in first place, just in the top twelve. 

So, help?   Really, it will be fun...(once again...I'm waaaaaaaaaaaaaay down at the bottom.)

End shameless plug..............NOW. 

I'll be back later with a real post.

Peace, please.

I am in a terrible mood.

Sometimes, I need the noise to stop.  The loud toys, the annoying Spongebob, the whining, the yelling, sometimes, even the playing and laughter eat at my nerves. 

It has been one of those days.  And it's almost peaceful right now except for Brian sitting in the office singing, I want to turn his volume down, but I'll try to tune it out, rather than hurt his feelings.

I just want peace and quiet, for once today.

-------

Okay, I just ran off to my bedroom away.  Time for a story.

Last Saturday night we got our hands on tickets to see Jim Gaffigan, he's my all time favorite comic and it just so happens he grew up in my area, I used to work with his brother and we go to the same church.  (you know, the church I haven't been to since the memorial service...yeah, that church.)

So, Brian and I got tickets to see his performance on Saturday night with a pre-party backstage before the show, complete with cheeseburgers and drinks.  It was fun, but very, very crowded.  (however, not nearly as fun as the last time.)

Like disgusting, sweaty crowded.  But, it was a night out, we'll take what we can get.

Jim came to the party for a bit and then we headed out to get another drink and head to our seats. 

The show was just beginning and I got out my camera, not necessarily to take pictures, I did want to see the shots I took from the pre-party, but I'm not saying I would not have...had I taken pictures, however, it would have been without flash.

All of a sudden, the woman next to me, (there was an empty seat beside me) starts yelling at me to put my camera away.  "I'm going to have your thrown out!  You are really getting on my nerves!"

Well, she obviously hadn't been to a performance since Barry Manilow debuted many years ago, because well....cameras ARE allowed.  Thank you very much.

I replied with "are you kidding me?  I'm not doing anything wrong!"

"Well, let's ask an usher!" she replied.

"Go ahead, CAMERAS ARE ALLOWED!"

and then she turned away from me.

and I cried.

For a long, long time.  I sat and cried because I couldn't believe that I had to sit next to this bitter, awful person, I couldn't believe that we couldn't just have a night out, by ourselves without someone making me feel like shit.  I could not believe that I try to be so kind and understanding to everyone that crosses my path and I'm sitting here next to someone who thinks I'm scum.

Haven't we been through enough this year?  Can't I just be left alone for a little while?

Oh man, I was THE VICTIM.  And it was ridiculous.  I sat there and knew I was being ridiculous, I sat there, with tears streaming down my face knowing that I was playing the victim, but I couldn't stop.  I kept thinking, over and over again...."just if she knew about James and Jake, just if she knew my heart was broken, I wish I could tell her, to teach her that she doesn't know EVERYTHING about everything." 

I could not believe she had ruined our night.  I just couldn't scrape her meanness off of me.

Until I did.

"Don't be a victim," I told myself.  "She has nothing to do with James and Jake. she was just trying to do what she thought was right."  And heck, maybe she was right.  I have no idea.  But those were the thoughts I made myself think.  (and it was soooooooooooo hard, so so so hard, I really wanted to stay angry at her all night long and between you and me, I'm still kinda angry, but that's okay)

But before I knew it, even with tears in my eyes and a heavy, heavy heart.  I was able to laugh.

and it really was the best medicine.

That and giving her the evil eye before I left.

But one of the coolest things that happened to me that night?  Someone who reads my blog recognized me and introduced herself.

Now, that was awesome.  (Hi Holly!)

The other cool thing was seeing Lynette at the same show.  She moved to Ohio in July and well...I miss her.

...I feel my bad mood lifting.  Thanks for listening. 

So good.

You would have to be blind to have not heard about Nie Nie Day.

If you haven't heard, Stephanie Nielson of the Nie Nie Dialogues is the wife to Christian and a mom to four.  On August 16th, Stephanie and Christian were on a private plane that crashed in Arizona.  The pilot passed away and Stephanie and Christian are still in critical condition.  Stephanie has burns over 80% of her body, Christian has burns over 20% of his body.

Gabrielle, at Design Mom is hosting a Silent Auction across the blogosphere to help them with your medical bills.  So many amazing things are being auction off, both big and small.  Go there and check it out. 

Wanting to help, ruby & roja have placed a Plush Blog Design up for auction, the bidding started at $10.  Whoever wins the auction, will donate the winning amount to Stephanie and Christian's secure paypal account, set up by family.

If you are unable to participate in the bidding, I encourage you to post about the silent auction on your blog, the cause is so, so good.

Today we are reminded of just how amazing the blogosphere is.

Opening Up

I know most of your think I am an open book, but honestly, I am not.  I suppress many things which is not only annoying, but also unhealthy.  I'm sure I'm not alone.

On my other blog, I wrote about something that I have never publicly written about.  So, if you plan to judge, don't click here (and stop judging for the love of Pete!). 

If you are non-judgy, go here!

Yes. But he's four.

A few weeks after we moved in, the doorbell rang.  I went to the door and found two lovely boys standing sweetly in front of me.  "Can Racecar come out to play?"  (I so badly want to use real names, but Brian vetoed it...sorry!)  "Well, um...nnnnot, right now." I answered nervously.  This had never happened to me, I have never had kids come over to ask if my kids could come out to play.

I asked what their names were and how old they were, the bigger of the two spoke for both of them.  "I'm Fred and I'm 10 and this is Barney and he's 7."

"Oh, well.  Um....Racecar is four and how do you even know who Racecar is?" I asked.

"We met him in your backyard yesterday."  Which happened to be the same day I left Brian in charge of the kids outside while I worked inside and then I looked outside and saw my kids coming out of someone else's back door.  It was very "twilight zone," really.   (side note: do not leave your kids with my husband.  side note to side note:  I'm totally kidding, he watches other kids a thousand times better than he watches our own.  The first side note is just for me.)

Anyway, back to the story.  (by the way, this is how I tell stories in real life, I interrupt myself and every story has seventeen side stories and before ten hours is up, I never even finish one story.)

(just ask my sisters.)

(and Brian.)

(except I never really talk to Brian because when he gets home I am typically comatose.)

ANYWAY.

I shoo'd the boys away and shut the door and called Brian and told him how cute and crazy it was that these boys came over and asked for Racecar. 

And then the next week they came back.

"how old are you boys again?"  Ten and seven, they replied.

"You do know Racecar is four, right?" 

"Yeah, can he come out and play?" 

"Well, yes, but only in the backyard, our backyard, he's to young to run around the the neighborhood."

So, I asked Racecar if we wanted to go outside and play and he said yes.

And off they went.

For five minutes.

Then they came back again the next week.

"Can Racecar come out and play?"

"You do know he's four, right?"

"He is?  What grade is he in."  He asked as if this was brand new information.

"Well, no grade really, just preschool."

"How old is she?"  He asked while pointing at Ariel.  "She's five and she goes to your school, she's in kindergarten."

"Awesome, does she ride the bus?"

"No."

"OH MAN, SHE SHOULD RIDE THE BUS IT'S SOOOOOOOOO MUCH FUN, IT'S THE BEST, WE LOVE THE BUS, WE CAN'T WAIT FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!"

And then Ariel started to cry because she doesn't ride the bus.

So, Racecar goes outside and playS and I'm in the living room and Brian's in the office and I hear Racecar come in and say "yeah, we've got Guitar Hero and Mario Brothers and Wii Fit....."

I stood up...."um, what you are boys doing?"

"We are playing Wii."

"Well, unless there is a Wii in the backyard, then we are not playing Wii.  Racecar, if you want to play Wii, come inside and say good bye to your friends."

"Bye Friends," he said, without hesitation. (his devotion to Wii is deep, friends.  Real deep.)

Twenty minutes later.

Someone knocks on my patio door.  Shockingly, it's these boys.

"Can Racecar come out to play?"

"Yes.  But he's four."

"He is?  Is Racecar playing Wii?"

"Yes."

Racecar comes to the door.  "Hey Racecar, what are you playing?"

"Um, Guitar Hero, I want to rock and roll all night."

"Can we come in and play, we've never played Wii?"  They asked me sweetly.

"No."

Twenty minutes later, the boys return.

"Can Racecar come out to play."

"No, he has homework."

"But he's only four, how can he have homework?  Can we come in and play Wii?"

Oy.

"I need lots and lots of drinks."

(I said that, not the kids.)

Now this is just embarrassing.

I don't know who did it, but someone nominated me for the Hot Blogger Calendar, was it you?  or you?  IT WAS YOU?!?!  Are you crazy?

I am about the furthest thing from hot, what with my graphic tees, cut off sweatpants shorts, ponytail, muffin top and stubbly legs, but hey, I'll take what I can get.  Plus, the winners get to go to New York City for a photo shoot and I love me some New York City.

And since I'm a teeny bit competitive, you can vote for me, right here.  (just scroll all the way to the bottom, there are only about 7,000 nominees.)  Hurry, you have until 8/31 to vote.  And if you don't vote for me, that's fine, too, maybe you don't find stubbly legs attractive.  whatever.

Over there, again

I know it's been awhile since I've posted, but I did post over here.  In case you're interested.  I'll be back soon!  I'm busy removing dried up pancake batter off of the kitchen floors and unpacking boxes.

Don't be jealous.

Seriously, I've been busy.  This is what my kitchen looked like last week, the day before school started.  And then I cleaned it and then it looks like this again.  In the upstairs bathroom there was toothpaste all over the front of the cabinets and pee stuck on the floor.  It's like living in a FRAT house, without the bleach and beer smell.  As soon as I clean up, I'll be back....which, yes, could be some time in September.

(could you all be dolls and tell me my kitchen looks just like yours, that way I can feel better about posting a picture of my horrific kitchen for all of the internet to see...please?  And if you're kitchen does not look like this...then neither does mine.  Promise.)

 

Oh where, oh where could they be?

Where, where, where did my babies go? 

Who are these children?  As babies they were so beautiful and cute, but as children they are kind and magnificent and interesting and loving.  (AND beautiful and cute!)

As each year goes by I fall deeper and deeper in love with these two people who have graced us with their presence.

We are so blessed to be their parents. I'm pretty sure my heart WILL explode by the time they are ten.  And that's okay with me.