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« Because I love to start my week out by crying my head off | Main | Random things about me »

March 25, 2008


New Diva on the Blog

As someone who has gone to therapy on occasion, I can tell you that it has helped me immensely. Not always easy by any means, but I think maybe you should give it another try.


As a trained therapist (but now a SAHM), I can tell you that how someone practices counseling is dependent upon the theory of counseling they subscribe to. Many therapists practice using a harsh, in-your-face method - I've never done it, but it has been proven to be very successful. Truly effective therapy is never easy - especially in the beginning. I would say give it a total of 3 sessions and if you still feel awful after every appointment, it may just be that that particular therapist isn't for you.


I must agree with McKenzie. I, too, am a trained mental health professional and true therapy isn't easy. But...living and dealing with the emotions is much easier in the long run than letting them complicate the rest of your life. That doesn't mean you'll forget the boys or the hope you had for them. It just means you'll be able to deal with their loss in a healthy way. Prayers for you...


I am no expert but it sounds like what your going through is normal make sure you tell them you next appointment. I really commend you for your strength in reaching out and going. I am very proud of your beth


oh and as you can see i dropped a few r and added a few where they don't belong. LOL

can I blame it on my computer? LOL


Therapy isn't fun... But it WILL be worth it...


Hang with it, it's almost like burn therapy. They have to tear off all the surrounding "skin" so that new stuff can grow. It's never the same stuff as the original skin, it shows a scar, but it covers up the raw nerves and blood. It's probably more painful than the original burn, because you have the pain of the burn and now you are debrading on the same spot.


What you are feeling is completely normal. It may feel like they torn off the bandage and poured salt in a already sore wound.

In therapy,you spend the first few times of a one hour session pouring your heart out and then, boom, times up! I always thought the first few sessions should be 2 hours long, long enough to expose the problem and patch it back up emotionally before leaving.

I completely agree with the others, Hang in there and keep going.

Hoping tomorrow and each day gets brighter,


I've been peeling away the skin for a few years now, and it isn't easy...not agonizing, the way it was for the first few hours, but not always comfortable...

But I remember the first visits, and the first hours after traumatic events that followed (car accidents, miscarriages) and I know how vulnerable and naked it feels.If you feel that your vulnerability and pain is recognised and respected and that you are safe then please, if you can bear to, go back. If you do not feel safe then there is a better therapist out there for you...

Adventures In Babywearing

Oh, this made me think of that song "just dropped in to see what condition my condition is in..." and although I've never been to therapy, I have a feeling that you are going to see more positive than pain from this. It just might take a little bit to get there. We're pulling through for you and will carry you if you need it.



Another voice chiming in to say...it's not fun, it's hard work, but it is SO worth it! Hang in there! (((hugs)))


Therapy can be pretty cruddy but in the end, it is very much worth it. Hang in there and we will be praying for you.

Sharon -

Dear Beth,

There is nothing I can add to the collective women who have commented so passionately, succinctly and intelligently...

I agree with each comment.

We are all thinking of you and praying for you...

Much love, Sharon


It gets better. I spent a year in therapy for SAD and it felt like it took me forever to get through it. But those first few appointments were the worst. You'll make it.


Delurking...from Columbus, OH. I can type fast, but with lots of errors. I know that's a different post, but still. I am so sorry for your pain. I have only gone to therapy once. I was 15 and my brother had just died. I completely agree that it is normal for you to feel pain and exhaustion after your session. Unfortunately, as you know, there are no easy shortcuts. Time will somehow make it better, slowly. Good luck to you. I hope you find peace soon.

Tracy F

Hi Beth, My girlfriend started seeing a therapist after her miscarriages. It helped her, but I remember her being very drained and raw after the appt. Part of her wanted to go back and part of her didn't. She did stick with it though. Good Luck.

Minivan Mom

Beth - it's not unusual to feel this way after therapy, BUT a good therapist will also not let you walk away feeling so completely unraveled. Please let your therapist know how you felt for the 24+ hours after your session - yes, therapy can be draining and painful and raw, but it should also feel cathartic and therapeutic, not caustic. If the therapist brushes your concerns aside, or does not explain/address them sufficiently, I would consider finding someone else.

There are a lot of great therapists out there, but there are a lot of shitty ones, to be honest. This being your first experience, I would hate for you to feel negatively about it.


From what I remember what you are going through is pretty normal and typical. The one thing I feel compelled to caution you about -- do not allow others, including therapists to try to "fix you" -- you don't need any fixing Beth. You just lost your sons. You are entitled to grieve on "your own" timetable. No one elses. There is no magic number regarding minutes, hours, days, weeks or months when it comes to grief and grieving.

I can remember some days I had to literally take it in snippets of minutes. I remember setting the timer in increments of 5 minutes just to make it.

I cried daily in the shower for months. It was my only place where I felt I could rail, and cry, and be ugly where I wouldn't be judged.

I remember it took a long time for me to get that I didn't need to be fixed. That this was all part of the process.

The fact you are dealing with your grief is a great sign. I will say I began a project to keep me busy to help other mom's and that was making a memory box for hospitals in my area to have for situations like ours. I'd be happy to talk to you about that off line if you are interested, you have my email.

Hang in there friend -- I am rooting for you.


I know it's hard, but you have to keep going back. You can't stop doing things just because they're hard. They're usually the things that are the most worth it. Believe me, If I stopped doing things I thought were hard, I'd never do ANYTHING!


As someone who spent most of last winter and spring in therapy...I agree with everyone else. You are very normal.
I cried the entire first hour of my therapy..and only sniffled out a few words. The therapist handed me tissues and comforted me and kept telling me.. it's ok...that is what you are here for!
Anyway..I am new to your blog but have read back a way and will be back. :)


I can't help but wonder if individual therapy or a support group with other's who've had similar losses would be of more benefit. Huge sadness has overtaken you, and you have so very much to pull you out (your children, your husband, sister, sounds like Great friends who cook!) You are truly blessed despite such a sad and huge loss.


God would not put you through something that you can't handle. The therapy may be painful, but it will help expose any negative feelings that you might even realize that you have. I think in the end, it will help you be a better mom, wife, a better you - you won't be compromised by feelings that you are keeping hidden.



I remember crying through and feeling completely deflated after the first few therapy sessions. I went for a different reason, but I do remember telling a friend after the first one that I felt like the therapist thought it was all my fault (and it wasn't)!! But I went back, and we dealt with things, and now that I moved away, I really miss going. I'm better, but I wasn't finished. Go till you know you're finished.

Katiebod (Roses are Red, Violets are Violet)

I once got a massage where the therapist told me that my tension knots in my back had knots on them (lovely thought, huh?) That massage hurt like the dickens. With each stroke, the therapist dug and worked on those balls of tension... it was uncomfortable, painful even, but I knew the end result would be worth the discomfort.

The next day, I was sore. I was upset. "I paid MONEY for that?" I felt like I had been beaten and, to an extent, felt worse than I did before I went in for the session. BUT, the work she did on lossing up my muscles and working out the kinks...well, it made for a looser, more relaxed, less toxic body for me. I felt free...and refreshed. The pain had brought about healing in my body.

I'm proud of you for letting your own thearpist work out those kinks, dig into your pain and help you heal from your emotional stress. It will be worth it. Hang in there...

Dolores Schwartz

I am hoping in time things will get easier! I wish I had a magic wand and I could make this all go away, I'd give anything for that! Hang in thier!! Remember there are many different stages of mourning! It's normal... Big cyber hugs!!

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