How about I just wear Spanx and we'll call it a day?

THANK YOU for your encouragement to return the jeans back to The Gap, that's exactly what I did.

Yesterday, I called my friend Lynette and asked her if I could drop the children off at her house, she said yes, so off I went on a denim adventure - alone with three hours to spend on denim alone.

First, I went to Macy's where I tried on Calvin Klein's, DKNY and Lucky Brand.

No luck.

Then, I ventured to The Buckle, where I had a very knowledgeable Denim Expert helping me find the perfect pair of jeans.  I tried on about sixty-five different pairs, all of which looked like something a sixteen year old girl would wear, not that I have anything against that look, it's just something I try to avoid and have since I turned seventeen. 

I began to question my Expert's opinion when I barely squeezed into a size 10 (30 at The Buckle) and she thought I needed a smaller size.  Wha?  Huh?  Me?  I must have forgotten to mention to her my requirements to walk and breathe.

How silly of me.

She also decided to help me find shirts, mostly I wear a size large, but in teeny-bopper sizes I wear an extra large and maybe even a double extra large or sometimes even a triple extra large, but they didn't have anything larger than a size large.  So, I tried them on, trying to be a good sport for my Expert, but everything squeezed me and showed things that even I hadn't seen before. 

The shirts were not good, not good at all.

After trying on the sixty-five pairs of jeans and seven shirts, I walked out, empty handed.  Well, not really empty handed, I had my stretched out size 12 Long and Leans that I had to yet to return to the store down the hall.

I walked into The Gap, all ready for a HUGE FIGHT and I was like "Hi, I bought these on Saturday and I wore them on Sunday and they <insert lie here.>" 

Yes, I lied.

OMG, I'M SO CHICKEN.

I'm not going to tell you what my lie was because I'm afraid The Gap Mafia will come to my house and beat me up with a pair of khakis and a matching scarf.

I would tell you, however, after one margarita.  No doubt about it.

(I totally said the zipper would not stay up!  I know!  I'm so smart.  And he was like, "yes, I can see where it's kinda torn here."  He said while pointing to the top of the zipper.  I was all like "yeah, sure, whatevs, can I get a different pair, yes or no?")

So, off I went to the dressing room equipped with four different cuts of jeans - Long and Leans, Boot-cuts, The Essential and some curvy jean.  (hint: Curvy does not mean for larger women, it means for tiny, itsy bitsy, petite little women.  You are welcome.)

I did not fall in love with any of the jeans, but I left with the size ten Long and Leans and I am currently trying to stretch them out.  I've done leg bends, toe touches, downward dog and other stretches you do not even want to think about, I'm even trying hard to forget about some of the ways I contorted my body trying to get these jeans to fit better and although they are better, they're still tight.  Painted on, really.

After exchanging my jeans at The Gap, I still went to Old Navy to make sure there were no better jeans out there for me.  and I was right.  I hate every pair of jeans that ever existed.   I was exhausted - I felt fat and beat up after trying on so many pairs of jeans in front of all of the evil mirrors.

So, I ate Taco Bell afterwards to make me feel better.  It totally worked.

Thank God for Spanx.

Comments

[Mom24]

I second the yoga pants...wearing them now...mmm, so comfy, more room for Coldstone!

Try being a 16 year old, slightly overweight girl trying to wear all the too-tight, too small crap. My DD is beautiful, but boy does it maker her sad when she tries to squeeze herself into a shirt that I swear she could share with her (tiny) 5 year old sister.

[Sara]

Try SO jeans from Kohl's. They sell them in the junior's department. They are have a medium rise with a slight flare. Live in them! And they stretch out really nicely. Go try them on!

[Aimee]

Don't you wish they made 1/2 sizes?!? I've got the same thing where I'm inbetween two different sizes. It's like it's from one extreme to the next! Ugghhh!! I'm on board with the spanx! I think I might have to go get some! :)

[Lynn]

I'm with wdbdoglover above -- I like my jeans from Eddie Bauer. They're expensive, but you can often get a good sale if you can afford to wait. They have great cuts, but also, most of their styles come with a little smidgen of spandex. That allows them to fit well without restricting your movement at all -- I can still easily crawl around on the floor with my three little ones and have them bounce back to their proper shape when I stand up. Also, the spandex makes the stretch-out factor a little less, so you can shop for a more accurate size right off the bat.

I recommend!

[Jen]

I love Old Navy's Sweetheart jeans. I also love Gap OUTLET's curvy fit. I have no idea why the outlet ones fit different. Go try 'em.

[Rhonda (Mimi)]

You crack me up girl. I knew they would take them back. Every time I go in the Gap, I will think of you...

[Carolyn]

I hate shopping too. Most of the time I just ordered things online and return what doesn't fit. I have found the stores and the companies that make things that fit me and I stick with them. Spanx became my friend many many years ago. We go together like glue and paper! I hope you find some good ones that you like. I know it can cause trama and severe emotional problems for an otherwise normal person! Hang in there!