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« What can you do? | Main | Feeling like a winner »

April 24, 2008



Know that I think of you every day. It's hard to imagine, but things will get better. 8 weeks is a VERY short time for you to get over something like this. I'll try to stop by and cheer you guys on this Sunday!


I'd worry about you if you weren't sad at times. It's normal to be sad. You are normal for feeling this way.

It has only been 8 weeks don't push yourself or expect so much. Your friendships are not in critical condition. You know why? Because friends understand. Friends understand that behind the laugh or smile there still is pain and tears. But friends are friends. They are going to continue to keep you motivated,in their lives, going out and be your friend and show you that they love you and that you are so very important. Your friends understand, promise, that's what friends do.

Tackle your social anxieties one step at a time.I don't have the answers, but only encouragement that one day you'll walk through them.

The walk will be beautiful. It will be emotional, it may be hard and that is ok. It's another step, just take your own step and at your own pace.

Nothing but love,

wow, that was long.
but I do have to share that as I put my jeans on, I thought of you.
I haven't washed them in awhile...


*here's to hoping I don't spill on them tonight!


Grief is a total bitch, isn't it? You think you're okay and then BAM! out of nowhere you get smacked in the face with it.

I'm sorry, dude. I'm just so damn sorry.


It won't go away. It will fade, though. There will be peaks and valleys of sadness in the years to come. In theory, it's the holidays that are difficult. I disagree. I find those to be busy times which keep activities going. More the danger is when my brain is at rest. Sometimes it will be "day by day", others "hour by hour". If your'e down to "minute by minute", go outside and scream.

Hang in there!

To Think Is To Create

Like CE said, don't push yourself unnecessarily. I think you'll know in your heart when you need to push yourself, and you'll know when you don't need to. Following those instincts is important, and I know that you have a big support system around you to help keep you afloat.

I doubt your relationships don't understand you right now--you picked them to be in your life for good reason, no? Have faith in them and lean on them if need be.


Who has time to scrapbook?

I've been thinking of you lots this week with your trip and the upcoming walk. At your walk, I know you'll be in the company of many who understand your disappointment, fears and pains, and also surrounded by those who love and care for you. What a beautiful tribute to James and Jake.

Be easy on yourself as you heal and know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.


Disclaimer: I have not experienced what you have experienced, nor do I know anyone who has experienced a similar loss, so all I know is from what other brave people like you have shared online.
To me, you seem like a very healthy, lovely person who is - from what I can see - usually a supporter, a cheerleader, an honest rejoicer and someone who genuinely loves the human experience and loves to share that with other people. But now you have an experience that no one wants to share, and that is so hard. I imagine that while you don't want to spread pain, you need people to share with you because Lord knows no one should have to go through what you and you family are dealing with alone. So how do you connect, in your pain, with the people who knew you before your children died? How do you celebrate when you hurt so much?
I am almost afraid to post this because I don't know anything and I don't feel like I have any right to say what is going on with you. My opinion is that you are a really lovely person and I think maybe you don't feel yourself, and that really sucks because your self is awesome. You may not ever be back to your old self, but you will still be awesome, generous, loving, and honest, and if you feel like you need to protect yourself from pain, even if it's innocently caused, I think that's what you should do.
I am so sorry about James and Jake. I wish that you weren't suffering their loss. I really admire your honesty and your loving spirit that shines through in spite of this incomprehensible tragedy. I don't know you, but now I know your children some and will keep them in my thoughts. Good luck with the March of Dimes. I'm sorry for the long post!


Hm... when I said that I wish you weren't suffering the loss of your boys, what I really meant was that I wish they had lived. I know there is no way that you wouldn't suffer from losing them. Also, even though this is your blog, I know your husband and your other children suffer too, and I'm really sorry.


you're doing such a great job. you're allowing yourself to rejoice in the many blessings you have in your life....and to be sad for your incredible loss at the same time. it is so incredibly healthy for you to feel both of those things. it is so easy to suppress one side of it after such a great loss.
you're such a wonderful person, and i'm sure you have wonderful friends. i would bet that they don't feel like your relationship is in critical condition. i bet they don't expect you to be fixing anything, as they love you and understand.
i'm so thankful to hear of your faith and prayers. can you imagine trying to get through this without them?! don't feel guilty about those sad moments or those when you don't feel strong enough...He will always meet you right where you are.
wishing i could walk with you...


Beth, I don't know you, but...YOU ARE AWESOME. I do believe you are my "bloggy crush". Have been for a long time. I once spent HOURS reading your archives because I just had to KNOW. I'm glad I did, because now I can pray for you through all of this.

I wish I could tell you it will all be alright. Except, it won't. Lose SUCKS. Grief SUCKS. For me it's one of those things that seems to never go away, but it hides, till you THINK it's gone. You are "coping" so well. Your friendships are not in the ICU, I'm certain of that. They know what you are dealing with, and they understand and are there.

The March of Dimes walk is one of the most memorable moments in my entire life. I have a feeling that you will find comfort in it this weekend. Not because of the people who are there to support you, but when you see the amount of people who are there for the same reason you are. It's mind blowing.

I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers! (Probably forever!)




It's okay to be sad. Like others have said, the pain will get better but the hurt will never completely go away. I pray that you will soon feel comfortable in your new normal.


You are so strong!!!!! Have a wonderful walk and I'm sure you'll feel all sort of emotions but don't be afraid of them, embrace them. You need to let yourself feel. The same part of us that feels pain is the same that let's you feel joy which I wish you much of, and that the sadness will fade to a beautiful memory of two very special little guys. You'll get through this because you are an incredible person with an incredible family.


I totally agree with an above poster. It will never totally go away. You'll always carry this with you. It will always be a part of you.

For me, I am almost at the 5 year mark. It feels a lot different today than back in 2003. I never want to totally forget what happened because then I would feel like I totally lost her. I want her to always be a part of me. I will always carry that on my heart forever.

Today, I am happy. I'm a different person today. I grew a lot over the years. I also grew in my faith...although I must admit that was a struggle at first. But my faith was what ultimately carried me through. Plus the fact that I have had two more pregnancies since then. Seeing my pregnancy through to birth and now to watch my babies grow has just been God sent. It really healed my heart. I had to have more children. I felt that if I didn't I would have been locked up! I truly mean that. That's the way I felt. How do you feel about that? I know...it's so scary to think about. I was scared too. I'll be honest and say...the fear doesn't go away. I had it with both pg that followed my loss. But...still, I'm glad that I took the plugde. I needed to for me.

I'm glad you're talking so openly and honestly with us. This is how you will cope and be able to put one foot in front of the other. If you didn't release these emotions you'd be worse off. This is a part of the grieving process. There are highs and lows. There will be times when you take 2 steps forward and then there will be times you take 3 steps back. Allow yourself to grieve. Give yourself the RIGHT to feel this way...no matter what it is that you're feeling....no matter how raw. Don't be ashamed.((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))

You're in my thoughts and prayers!



You are brave and I admire you for being so transparent with us. I'M ANGRY FOR YOU!!!! It's not fair - it's worse than not fair - it's wrong and feels like a crime that James and Jake were taken so soon. I will keep praying for you. You are in my thoughts everyday.


It's okay to be sad and even to be angry. Just remember that it's okay to feel whatever it is you feel right now. No one can tell how you should feel or act...because no one but you feels the pain that you're experiencing. I pray that you do have more sunny than cloudy days but that even in the cloudy days may you find peace and strength to carry on. <3


And we are still so sad for you. I read this and all want to do is cry for you. God Bless you, I know every day is still hard. But you are surrounded by love and prayers. I hope that fact helps a little.

Minivan Mom

I'm sorry.



You know, it very well may "suck" for a long while, this life thing is hard stuff. You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.


I wish I could tell you a magic cure to take away the pain-there is non. Only time will heal your pain-lots of it.

My nephew was born a month after my miscarriage-that was so hard for me. Being so happy for my SIL's family to have a new healthy addition and still grieving the loss of my baby. They were so understanding and so considerate-knowing how difficult it was for me.

Exactly a month after my miscarriage was my 10 year reunion. I had seen some classmates before the reunion and they knew I was expecting. And to see their reactions when they realize I was no longer expecting. To have to go shopping for another outfit to wear because I could no longer wear the cute maternity outfit. I hated that shopping trip-and cried most of the time.

Some days things will hit you like a ton of bricks, and others you will handle them just fine. Seeing total strangers pregnant made me tear up. Seeing baby girls made me cry-even a year later.

You have a long road of grief ahead of you. Take it one day at a time. I can tell you one thing, you will come out a stronger person-it's hard to believe now-trust me I've been at rock bottom-literally-but it does get better.

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