I Should Be Folding Laundry

I'm just a girl

Last night, Sarah, Steph, Crooked Eyebrow, Arianne and I went to dinner and then we went to see Sex and the City.

At dinner, we celebrated our friendship, I think, with laughter and stories and just being us.  We celebrated Crooked Eyebrow's birthday, (which is today)with margaritas and singing.

Then we headed off to the theatre, us girls.  And we watched this movie and these characters that we love, and we laughed and cried.  It was a great movie.

But as we sat, us girls side by side, and we watched the hardship and struggles that Miranda, Samantha, Charlotte and Carrie had been through, I thought about the girls beside me, I thought about me.

I thought about how we, in our early twenties, lived as women in their twenties typically live, somewhat carefree, somewhat simply and sometimes, just waiting for something bigger.

I thought about each of us and the personal struggles each of us have, whether one of us has lost our children, or had a difficult marriage, or their child or children are dealing with an illness of some sort, or watching our own children struggle.  I thought about how at one point in our recent lives, we all felt broken and scared, unsure of what the next day would bring.  But with each new day we took our steps, carefully, in the direction of personal healing. 

Some days are easy.  Some days are not. 

We may not have the beautiful bodies, the perfect skin, the shiny hair and Manolo Blahniks, but as woman, we are all kinda the same as the girls on the screen.

With each new day we learn who we are, we gain strength, we grow in love and somehow, without even trying, we become better.

And as hard as life can be sometimes, sometimes, when surrounded by friends of strength, sometimes it's better than the excellent movie we are watching.

It's funny how when watching a good movie, the scene on the screen can bring you to tears because it makes you think of your own life, the good and the bad.  But what's even better is looking beside you and knowing you are not alone. 

I realized, while sitting and watching, that it wasn't just us, but the entire theatre, that was filled with women, we all have our stories and struggles.  And whether you know the person next to you or not, you have a special bond.

It's a beautiful thing. 

Being a girl is pretty awesome, if you ask me.  And getting older is a lot better than I thought it would be.

She's a Rock Star

I once knew this girl with a very big heart, a bright smile and an incredible soul.  She was the life of the party, she had a great attitude, she loved life, she loved people, she adored her family.

I once knew this girl who was passionate about everything, she understood life, she was warm, thoughtful, inviting.  SHE taught ME how beautiful MY life was, not with words, but by living her life.

I once knew this girl who was a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend.  She valued everyone in her life.  She valued the big and the little things.  She loved birthdays.  Her birthday falls on May 25th and every May was "her birthday month."  This girl, she celebrated life. 

This girl, at the age of twenty-six was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Her son had just turned one, but she was a fighter and she fought.  And she won, for a little while, and then cancer returned.

This girl, her name is Rachelle, died when she was thirty-three years old.  This mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend is gone.  She was only thirty three and she died of breast cancer in 2003.  To this day, my heart aches, I remember her, I remember her spirit, her courage, I feel her love and I didn't really even know her that well.  That's how amazing she was.  She affected everyone who was fortunate enough to cross her path.

May is still her birthday month, even though she's not here.  Rachelle is my best friend's sister, my soul sister.  Rachelle's family, although their hearts are broken and not a day goes by where they didn't wish she was here by their sides, they live life fully and with love, this is how they honor her. 

This family that I am SO PROUD to know and love, raises money every year for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, this family, to date, has raised over $50,000 in four years, in honor of Rachelle, but also so other families do not have to experience a loss as tragic as theirs.  The Rock Star Fans are so close to reaching their goal this year of $14,000!

She was a Rock Star.  She's still a Rock Star.  And she has many, many fans.  I am just one of them, sitting in the audience, continuing to be amazed by her grace, her strength, her love.

To my readers, I wish you could have met Rachelle, I wish you could meet her family and some of you have and you know what I am talking about when I say "they are incredible." To read a little bit more about Rachelle and learn a little bit more about this courageous family, you can visit their fundraising page .  Feel free to donate and help save lives - whether you knew Rachelle or not, more than likely you yourself are a breast cancer survivor or you know one, or maybe someone you love lost their battle, and if you haven't, you will.   

To Rachelle's family, I admire and love you all, I am so proud of you and I am so proud to know you.  This weekend, whether you are walking with the Rock Star Fans, or cheering on the sidelines, I know that Rachelle is so proud of all of you.  And she's not the only one.

The reason I am telling you about Rachelle is not only because I'd love for you to donate to this cause, but also because I think her life and the way she lived it should be shared with everyone I know and also because you need to understand that you are not in control of your own life and what happens in it, the one thing you are in control of, is how you live it. 

Live it well. 

 

Lighten Up

This past week has been very heavy for me, very sad, not very good.  So, I have some random things to share with you and then I'll be on my way to trying to lighten things up inside of me.

First, I wrote a post here about my weight.  I need to lose weight, but like so many others, I'm struggling to find that key motivation to get me started.  I can't figure out why it's so hard to make ourselves look and feel better...is there anything better than looking and feeling better?  Is there anything worse than feeling bad about yourself?

Second, I read this post, written by Tara, it's about her husband.  It was his birthday yesterday and she wrote a post listing 34 things that she loves about her husband and it includes pictures with each item and OH MY GOD,  I love it.  Could you write a post like that about your husband?  Would you?  I love it and I had to share it.

Thirdly, I am going to see Sex in the City tomorrow night with some of my girly friends and I am EXCITED.  My hope is that Smith Jerrod is in it and that he is looking extra hot.  I'm just sayin'.  I not only hope he's in it, A LOT, but I hope his hair is cut short, remember when he cut his hair off for Samantha???  I cried like a baby.  And then I paused the episode and stared at his hotness for hours.  HOURS I TELL YOU.  Brian was so annoyed.  If I could live blog during the movie, I totally would.   

Oh and I did get to the dentist and I have to have a root canal next week.  It's funny because root canals have this bad reputation, but I think they're pretty breezy.  The only thing I dread about going to the endodontist is the bill.

Interesting.  I feel so much better now since I talked so much about Smith Jerrod.  This could be a good day.

I'll leave you with a present.  No need to thank me.

Wow.  Just wow.

The Morning After

Before I begin, I need to tell you that if you have e-mailed me, I have not responded because right now, I just can't.  I have read every e-mail and every amazing comment that has been written to me and I want to respond to every single one individually, I just can not.  So, thank you to everyone that cares so much about me, thank you so much for loving me and for loving my babies.  Thank you for your care, your concern, your words, no matter what you said.  Thank you.  As far as the tattoo idea, I happen to love tattoos and will probably get one honoring J & J, and my friend, Amy, she will go with me to honor Lydia Grace.  She just doesn't know, yet.

The post I wrote last night, well, there could have been so much more added to it.  I could have written all night long about the complexity of not only my feelings, but also my feelings on sharing my feelings on my blog and with people, in general.  It's much more than feeling like I don't have someone that I can just pick up the phone and call, it's much more than that and right now, the right words explaining that escape me. 

I need to continue with what I was trying to convey in my post last night, I just do not where to begin.

Have you ever gotten really drunk and woke up the next day and thought "holy crap, did I really do that?"  And you wish you hadn't?  Me either.  ahem. 

Well, that's kinda how I felt about the post I wrote yesterday.  Except, I don't necessarily REGRET what I wrote, but I do, in a way, regret what I wrote.  The only reason why I really do not regret it is that they were and are very real and true emotions of mine and it was eating me up and I HAD to release them.  The thing is, I don't necessarily feel better about finally sharing my deep thoughts because I feel I may have hurt others and it's my nature to run and try to protect my loved ones from anyone feeling hurt or inadequate and the thought that I may have caused someone to feel hurt or inadequate because of me?  Well, I can't really stand the thought. 

But I keep saying to myself "that post was you.  you are you.  And that's all there is to it.  You can not protect everyone."  And I hear myself saying those words and one side of me agrees and knows that it was the right thing to do and the other side tells me I'm selfish.

I do know it was the right thing to do.

So, if I hurt you, it was not my intent.  My intent was to share, my intent was to relate with other mothers who may feel the same as I, my intent was to make myself feel better, my intent was to let you know what it's like on "the other side." 

I KNOW what it's like to be the person who is involved with someone who is grieving and I SUCKED at it.  I DID.  I can admit, I just didn't know.  I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do, or how to act. I had no idea.  And that's okay!

I realize that the people who I have not heard from, I am sure, they either have no idea what to say to me, or they just think I want or need space, and at first, that is what I needed.  I wanted to be left alone because I could not function, I was not ready for any type of social interaction.  But now that I am sorta ready and I have gone to dinners and meetings and group situations, it seems after that, perhaps, people felt that I was okay and there was no need to help "nurse" me back to a better emotional and mental state.

But like I said, and what I didn't know and what I am still realizing is that grief does not just go away.  I cried harder last night than I did two weeks after losing James and Jake.  I don't think it's wrong that I cried and I know that you don't either, it's part of grieving, it's continuous.  It changes constantly.  And so do I.

I'm realizing now that grief will not leave me and with that I feel like a calmer, better, person since losing James and Jake.  I don't care as much about getting stopped at red lights, I don't care about traffic jams or rain, I just don't care.  And not just because I realize that I am not in control of all that I thought that I was, not just because I feel the fragility of life every single day, but because I think I understand more about people and feelings and emotions.  And maybe even life.

Because of James and Jake, I am a better mother, I try to be a better wife, daughter, sister and friend.  I even try to be a better stranger.  All because of these two little boys that left this earth much too early.  Even through sadness I can feel their importance, or perhaps, their purpose.

I can only hope that their "presence" grows stronger within me every single day.  I guess that's how I will keep them with me, as their Mommy.  Just what I want to be.  I may not be able to make their beds for them or do their laundry or kiss their boo-boos, but I can be a better me.  For them.

Fragility

Grief is such a fragile thing.  When one is grieving, people don't know how to deal with you, they don't know what's right, what's wrong.  People don't know when to call or when not to call, when to stop sending cards, or when to send them.

I can say that I feel so alone, but when I do people say "YOU ARE NOT ALONE."  Except I am.

I'm alone and I feel it.  And it hurts.  I know everyone will tell me that they are here for me, and I think that's great and it means so much except, usually, honestly, they are not here for me.  And when we are together, it's just never the right time to be The Sad Me. 

And I don't know what to do about it.  If I didn't have this blog, I don't know what I would do.  I don't know what people do who don't have a blog.  I can come here and vent my frustrations and try to express my deepest feelings and people can leave a comment and tell me they understand and they care and I read it and I see it and I feel it.

But mostly, when I shut my computer off, it's not there.  I'm hesitant to write this because I don't want people to think they have failed me in some way, it's just a feeling I have, that I know is part of losing James and Jake and I have to deal with that.  But it's so hard.

And some days are so good.  Some days I feel the love and support of many people, but lately, it's not there.  I would be lying if I said it was there, there are people I used to hear from all of the time before losing the twins and I don't any more.   Some people it's been weeks since I've heard from them and I guess I'm surprised because I thought they needed me, too.  I guess I should be taking the next step, except I'm scared, too.  Because I'm different now.   After losing James and Jake, people told me "this is how you learn who your real friends are" and well, I heard it and I believed it, but I didn't think I would lose anyone.

I know my friends have a strange disadvantage in that they can check in on me on my blog and see how I'm doing.  Except this blog represents a fraction of who I am and what I'm feeling.  In no way can it express everything I am feeling.

I'm afraid to call people and say "hey, how about dinner?" because I don't want them to expect me to be the same old me, so I don't call because I don't want to disappoint people. 

Now I feel vulnerable.  I don't know how to be me, I want to talk about what has happened because right now, it consumes me and it's hard to get together with people and just have normal conversations, even though I love learning about people and hearing about their lives.

I'm consumed.  Grief, as I said, is so very fragile.  More than ever I don't understand it, yet I understand it much more than I used to.  I've learned to never take more than two steps away from someone, I have learned to talk to people about their loss and their new life without the person they lost.  I've learned to call and leave voicemails, I've learned to never ask the person to call me back, I've learned to just say I am thinking of you and my heart hurts for you and I know that that is just what that person may need for that day.  That could be the thing that gets them through their day.  There is so much to know and so much to learn and life is so complicated.

And yet, all I need is an ear.  All I need is to have that someone that can sit with me and cry with me and understand me and love me and not judge me.  I don't want that person to be someone I have to pay $55 for forty-five minutes.  I NEED SOMETHING AND IT'S NOT THERE.  It's not fucking there and I can't stand any more.  How much can a person take?  I don't know.  I see others who have lost, I see their strength and their growth and I can't imagine that I could be that strong, but I'll try.  I really try.

Something is missing.  Yesterday, on Memorial Day, marked three months since I delivered James and Jake.  I have this intense desire to include them in our lives in some way.  I can't have them here in the capacity that I want them or need them, so I need them here in some other form.  I need to know they are with me because I truly can't go the rest of my life not feeling them.  I can't do it.   All I want is to be their Mommy.  THAT'S ALL.

Three months.  Three of the hardest months of my life.  I know I'm going to be okay, and right now, as I sit with tears streaming endlessly down my face, I BELIEVE that they are with me.  At least I think I do.  That belief is all I have of them and it's hard to let it go.

I never thought I could feel this incredible range of emotion that I feel now.  I feel happy, I feel sad, I feel anger, I feel content, I feel despair, I feel joy, I feel empty, I feel full.  And sometimes I feel very, very alone.

And that makes so very sad.

I find it important to say that I'm not angry at anyone.  I'm disappointed, maybe, but I understand.  Situations and relationships with grief intertwined are so complicated, I know this and I understand.  I truly understand.

I know there are people reading this, my family, my friends, people whom I have never met, that would do anything to make the pain go away, and I know who you are, and I thank you.

I realize that many people may not say anything to me because they fear they may say the wrong thing.  I understand that, too.  But another thing I have learned is that something is better than nothing.  In a strange way, I feel lucky to have learned that lesson.  Does that make any sense?

Remembering

There is a war going on.  It is not in our backyards, it is not where we can see it, hear it, smell it, touch it.  But we can feel it.  We should we feel it.

This war, whether we like it or not, continues on while we read blogs, write posts, eat watermelon on a sunny day and laugh with our children.

Thousands of men and women, RIGHT NOW, are in a desert, with their military families by their sides, risking their lives for their country and for the citizens of Iraq.   Over 3,000 soldiers have been killed in Iraq.  That is JUST in the Iraq war.  I hope you take time today to remember the soldiers who have given their lives, who have been wounded, or who have served in their lifetime.  I hope you hang a flag in support for the husbands, wives, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, uncles and aunts. 

You may not support the war, but I hope you truly support the soldiers.

On July 1, 2008, my brother, an Army Major, an Army Ranger, a Purple Heart and Silver Star recipient, a father of three, a loving husband, a thoughtful son, an awesome brother, will be deployed to Iraq.  For the THIRD time. 

I am fearful.  I am angry.  I am worried.  I am saddened that we as a family we will have to face his deployment once again.

I am saddened knowing how badly he wishes he could stay in the United States with his family.  Dan has narrowly escaped his own death in the past, I can't imagine what he must be feeling knowing he'll have to go back to fight this war.

I am angry.

But I am also proud.  So proud of him and every soldier who reports for duty either in Iraq, Afghanistan or right here in the United States, just like my other brother, Dan's identical twin, Dave.  I think about how often we, as humans, dread going into to work for the day, or we dread walking into the grocery store on a busy Friday afternoon, or we dread cleaning the toilets at our own home.  And then I think of my brothers.  And my thinking is readjusted.   I think of every soldier and each of their families on a daily basis knowing that their life is so hard and faces more challenges in a week, then some of us in a lifetime.

I realize how good I have it.  Thanks to our American soldiers.

Today & always, I remember.  I hope you do, too.

Thank you, Dan and Dave.  (Thank you, Dimi.)

If you have a family member or a friend who is a member of the military, I want you tell me about them in my comments, I'd love to learn about the them. 

Getting hit by a semi may actually feel good at this point.

I'm a hot mess, friends.

Friday I began getting a toothache, or at least I thought it was a toothache, but then it went away, just in time for my friends to come over.  But when I went to bed (at 2 in the morning) it was really, really bad.

I woke up Saturday and it was worse.  and my jaw was beginning to swell.  And by 5 in the afternoon it was unbearable.  I wanted to cut my head off.  I tried calling my dentist but there was no way to reach him, no voicemail, no emergency contact number.  Nothing.  I thought I could live through the pain until Monday, but Brian pointed out that Monday was a holiday and they would be closed.

So, off to Urgent Care I went.  Where my blood pressure was 160/110, thanks to the pain level.  (I think)

At Urgent Care I was given an antibiotic and told to take 800 mg of Ibuprofen and two Tylenol Three every six hours.  Oh, and the doctor, who reminded me of my high school softball coach, told me to call my dentist.  Really? You think I should call my dentist?  It's a good thing I went there because I NEVER would have thought to call my dentist. 

Glad I paid $75 for Coach Dr. Riley to tell me to see The Dentist. 

For my Tooth.

So, I've been medicating myself, but trying to just take one Tylenol Three because I have lots of work to do, but sometimes I take two because OH MY GOD THE PAIN.   And my jaw, well, is still swelling.

And I have a terrible headache.  It's beautiful outside and I feel like crap.  Can't a girl catch break?

So, anyway, if you need me, I'll be sitting right here, in my pajamas on my chair ALL WEEKEND LONG.   On my computer.  All by my lonesome. Don't worry about me.

Have a safe holiday weekend.  Enjoy the warmth.  Enjoy your family.  Enjoy not having a toothache.  or a headache.

I like being pitiful, it's pretty fun!
 

Almost right. But not quite.

The kids are staying over at Grandma's.

Brian won't be home until midnight.

Some of my girlfriends are coming over.

There will be food.  Margaritas.  Sangria.  Guacamole.  Sex on the Beach.  Laughter.  and Wii.

But as I pour the vodka into the pitcher and I stir with the rum and the cranberry juice, I realize.  This is not what I should be doing.  It's what has been sitting on the fore front of my mind all day long.

I'm supposed to be carrying my boys, wobbling around, drinking water.  And I'm not.  And THAT is a hard pill to swallow.  I realize now, how very long it will take me to swallow that pill.  If I ever can.

I'm grateful for my friends, my family for they help fill the emptiness that I feel inside.  I'll laugh and maybe sing and dance, and I can't wait.

But somehow, tonight, more than ever, I miss my James and Jakie.  My heart hurts so badly.

Winners Announced

We spent the entire morning watching preschool olympics.  The kids may have run around for three hours straight, but I took over 400 pictures and I am exhausted.  We had two showings scheduled tomorrow and both showings were second showings.  I just took a nap that ran a little bit too long, I woke up just in time for my realtor to call and tell me that one of the showings heard about the other showing and they now want to see our house in three hours.  Well, two hours and fifty minutes - so I am going to tell you about the winners and then I'll be back to this ol' blog sometime tomorrow because I have a messy house to clean!

Alright, the winner of my Americal Idol contest is Summer.  Summer guessed David Cook, she wins a blog makeover OR a $10 McDonald's gift card if she doesn't have a blog.  Which it doesn't appear that she does, so Summer (yahoo e-mail), you can give your makeover to someone who has a blog, or you can choose the gift card.  It's up to you!

The winner of the $50 Shabby Apple Gift Certificate is: Susan at Walking on Sunshine. Congratulations!

Summer and Susan, please e-mail me because you are winners!!  YEE-HAW! 

I love learning new things about all of you.  I know you don't believe it, but I read each comment that comes through.  I couldn't help  but notice that many of you talked about mayonnaise, but that's okay, I like mayonnaise.   Well, Miracle Whip, I hate real mayonnaise.  Okay, must go clean so someone can look at my house for no reason since it's The House That Will Not Sell. 

See you tomorrow.

Live Idol Blogging -- PROCEED WITH CAUTION

And so it begins....the ice cream is softening.  Holy crap, 97.5 million votes.  If you are reading this while I'm live blogging, feel free to chat with me in the comments.

OMG,  Mikalah, I hated her when she was on the show. and well, some things never change.

The final twelve are performing and I dread the moment when I see Danny Ortega.  I really do not like Danny Ortulega, or whatever his name is.  Wait.  Was he even in the final 12?  No, oh thank God!  It's Jacuzzi Chakezie!!  Hi Jacuzzi Chakezie!!

Cook is singing.  with Archie.  And I heard Seal is on the show and I CAN NOT FREAKIN' WAIT.  For those that do not know, I love Seal more than most things.  I LOVE Seal.  Am I getting my point across?

OH MY GOD.  A SEAL SONG.  SHUT UP SYESHA - DON'T SING HIS SONG.

THIS IS THE BEST IDOL EPISODE EVER EVER EVER.  GO SEAL.  SING WITH YOUR BAD SELF.  If you are not listening to Seal - you are missing out.  LOVE IT.  SORRY - but, I should be up there singing with Seal.  I would, too.  I would TEAR IT UP.  Syesha, please, be quiet.  Let the man sing.

Okay, Jason DreadLock is singing "Alleluia."  I do love this song.  It's beautiful.  But I feel like I'm having a deja vu, cause you know, HE HAS SUNG THIS BEFORE.  ON IDOL.  With dreadlocks.  It's all the same, friends.

Ford commercial.  I really enjoy these commercials, they're just fun.  And Ford just gave the Davids new cars.    And the final six girls are singing she works hard for the money and is it me or does Amanda Overmyer look pissed?  She kinda looks like one of the manniquin heads that girls get when they're little to play hair and make-up on.  She singing and OHMYGOD HOW DID SHE GET IN THE FINAL 12???

And why does Carly always wear black tights?

Carly Black Tights and Micheal Hotter than Hot are singing a duet.  Which is fine.  Jimmy Kimmel is on now.  Which is fine, too.  Maybe they could just make this a 15 minute show rather than two hours?    Jimmy looks tired.  Anyone who makes fun of Sanjaya is friend of mine.  And now the six guys are performing and I have to pee.

I am back and came back to see Bryan Adams singing.  I think I'll go pee again.  Seriously?  Bryan Adams?  Where's Chris Daughtry?

Wow -  ZZ Top.  Damn, those guys are HOT.  Those beards, the hats, the sunglasses, man alive I can hardly contain myself.  Are they going to spin their guitars???  I wonder if their guitars ever get caught in their beards??  Maybe tonight!

Remember Josiah?  He cried a lot. 

Brooke is singing with Graham Nash and I love this song and I think it sounds great.  I could listen to this type of crap all night long.  Seriously.  That was really nice.

Who's going to go see Sex and the City with me next Friday?!?!?!

This guitar hero commercial is hilarious.  Cook is in his undies.  awesome.  I think I may finally like him.

The Jonas Brothers are on - Ariel is going to love watching this tomorrow and not just because of The Jonas Brothers but also because she loves Seal.  Just like her Momma.  Girls got taste.  But then again, she likes The Jonas Brothers.

Now they are showing the talentless singers during the auditions and they are truly terrible.  Shockingly terrible.  I love watching the judges - cracks me up.  And that crazy guy is singing with the USC marching band.  I actually like this song.  "I am your brother."  My Dad says he wrote this song and now Paula is on stage looking dumb.

One Republic is singing Too Late to Apologize, Ariel and I love this song and David A is singing with them and it sounds pretty good.  His eyes have been closed the entire time he's been on stage.

Is this over, yet?

Jordin Sparks is wearing gold foil.  She's cute though.  I wish I could pull off wearing gold foil.  We totally forwarded through her song. 

Okay, this Gladys night thing with Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey Jr is HYSTERICAL.   I love it.  LOVE IT.  Robert Downey is killing me.  Brian loves their bow ties.  I am watching this again tomorrow and maybe the next day.  LMAO!!

Carrie Underwood is performing, man, I just love her.  She's incredible.  Didn't Madonna wear that same outfit when she performed Like a Virgin at the Mtv Awards? 

Guitar Hero commercial with David A.  Not as good as David C's, but still funny.

My Mom just yawned.  And then I did.  The top 12 is performing again.  George Michael song.  I like George Michael, but you knew that, didn't you?  Amanda Overmyer is going to kill me.  It's like she's crying into the microphone.

David Hernandez is singing a George Michael song, HOW FREAKIN' APPROPRIATE.  and he just sang the word naked in a sexy way.  I feel violated.

awww...HELLZ YES.  They are singing one of my favorite songs - FREEDOM!  I'm going to sing it for you sometime.

And George Michael is singing and well, he doesn't look well.  Those sunglasses are massive.  I could serve burgers on those bad boys.

He sounds good though.  And Paula is crying, which makes me want to punch her.  He's come a long way from the short white shorts.   Have you ever wondered why there was an extra go in Wake Me Up Before You Go Go?  or is it Go-Go as in go go dancing?  Did he just pick his nose-nose? 

Season Seven is the official year of the Ascott.  Paula is talknzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  Oh, that was a good nap.  Simon just apologized to David C.

And the winner is......

by twelve million votes.  Wow, it wasn't even close.

Well, you know who the winner was.

It was David.  Just like I predicted.