I Should Be Folding Laundry

Randomly

I asked my Be Design partner, Christy, to create my header for me.  Which may seem strange considering I can make my own, except for some reason, I couldn't do my own.  It was too hard, so I quit and said "Oh, Christy, my love, would you please create my header for me and when you do, just do it in a way that shows me how you think of me."  and this is one of the images she chose.  Which I love.  I have to say that I was relieved, I thought she may come back with a header filled with cattle or dirty underwear.  But this is what she found and I love it.

A lot.  (you should go to Christy's blog to check out her designs from our first week of business.  THEY ARE ROCKIN'!) 

and speaking of the fabulous Be Design girls, we are now offering blog makeovers for WORDPRESS.  HOORAY!  However, our wait time is right on the line between four and five weeks.  BOO!  But we move quickly!  HOORAY! 

I'm glad some of you enjoyed my live blogging from last night, I may do it for tonight's finale, as requested, but right now I have a headache and fear it would make a very boring post.  Something like "Paula's dress is weird and David won."   

Based on the comments, I think David Cook is going to win.  Seems everyone thinks David A. has it in the bag and because of that, everyone seems to be voting for David C.  I didn't vote at all.  Because, well.  I don't care.  I really don't.  I enjoyed this season, but there was nobody that I LOOOOVED.  I tried voting for Chris Daughtry but his wife kept hanging up on me every time I called.  She can be so rude to his girlfriend, I swear.

Oh, and I blogged over here today.  It's pretty depressing, so click at your own risk, and if you click, make sure you comment because nothing sends me into a depression quicker than seeing hundreds of people visiting my other blog when I'm pouring out my heart and three people comment.  Just keepin' it real.

And finally, I believe I have eaten two boxes of Bug Bites since Sunday.  And I can't even hide that fact from Brian because he's the one who keeps buying them at the store.  Makes it pretty obvious.

In fact, he's at the store right now.  Buying more Bug Bites.  Interestingly enough, when I googled Bug Bites, the cookies did not come up, but rather pictures of bug bites.  ew.

Me and my headache have to go hide under the covers for awhile, I hope I'm back tonight for more live blogging.  I can make no promises.

American Idol - Final Two *Live Blogging*

I'm sitting in my living room with Brian, my Mom and My Dad.

And a bowl of Coldstone Creamery ice cream.

Some silver fox is introducing and saying something about rumbling.  It's a good thing a girl isn't in the final two when they are announcing their weights.

Brian just said 52% of people who watch American Idol are between the ages of 34-62.

Didn't Randy have gastic bypass?  I'm just sayin'.  Huh...I didn't realize neither one had been in the bottom three.  That's interesting.

I'm done with my ice cream.  It was good like a mug.

Oh, dear, we are asking Paula for advice.  How very, very scary.  So, let me just say that David Cook kinda gets on my nerves.  There - it's out in the open.  Not that I love David A. because, well, I don't.  This live blogging is good for me because I do not have strong feelings for either boy.  In fact, come to think of it -- I don't think I have had strong feelings for any contestant.

Clyde Green Tie has picked I Still Haven't heard Found What I'm Looking For by U2 for David Cook.  I LOVE U2.  Like a lot.  My favorite U2 song is So Cruel.  It's one of the greatest songs evuh.  David is breaking it down, tearing it up, he's sounds pretty nice.   But NOT great. It was good but not special.  Randy says "HOT BABY."  Paula says "blah blah blah blah." her voice is cracking.  Puberty much?  Simon says "touch your nose."  Just kidding, he said phenomenal.  Was it?  Really?

David Archuleta is signing Don't Let The Sun Go Down on Me.  I think he sounds pretty good.  He kinda tore it up at the end, which is good because he never does and he always, ALWAYS sounds the same but this time, he sounded good.  Real good.  Round one goes to David A.  Randy says "best performance of the whole season.  MOLTON. CRAZY VOCALS."  Is he crying?  Paula says "blah blah blah blah sunshine blah.  blah."  Simon says "the best you've done so far."  Seriously.  Is David crying?  Simon just said what I said about Round One going to David A.  He's a copycat.

Round Two.  I'm a little too wordy.  I realize this.  I happen to adore Andrew Lloyd Webber and the way he talks and everything he says.  I would like to have him over for dinner.  I would serve spaghetti. 

Okay, David C. sings lsjgjalwdjfajd, okay, I have no idea, I was busy writing about eating spaghetti with ALW.   Is David C trying to sound like my boyfriend, Chris Daughtry?  Because I will cut him if he keeps this up.  I was not feeling this song and he was yelling a lot.  My Dad liked it.  So, apparently a viewer wrote that song.  Randy said he was singing his face off.  Paula said "blah blah blah blah song in your heart blah blah."  Simon says, "jump up and down."  It never gets old people.  He did not really like his performance and the crowd boos.  As usual.

David A. sings a ballad.  I can't believe it, he is singing a ballad.  He is really changing things up this week. (please tell me you can sense my sarcasm?)  He has anchors on his blazer. Sport coat?  He sounded good, strong.   Is he crying.  again?  He looks like it.  Paula says "magic.  blah.  finals.  blah blah."  Simon says Round 2 goes to David A.

Round Three begins.  David C picks a song by Collective Soul, "The World I Know."  He starts out acoustic.  There is no doubt that he has a great voice with a ton of talent.  He sounds great, but this song seems just a little bit boring.  Am I wrong?  Do you love it?

oh dear.  He's crying.  Doesn't Randy's face look purple tonight?   Paula says that David Cook is "standing in his truth.  blah blah.  huh? blah?"  Simon says it was the wrong song choice.

David A. sings Imagine.  Didn't he play the piano the last time he sang this?  He sang it well.  Just like the last time.  Yep, Randy is purple.  Paula says she's speechless but she won't stop talking.  Simon says "knockout."  I just wish David A would genuinely smile and not look like he's going to cry all of the time.

Well, it's over.  that's it.  Who do I think is going to win?

That's easy.

David.  Who do you think is going to win?

Bitter Betty has arrived.

Don't you just love it when I blog thirty-nine times in one day?  Hey, it's CHEAP therapy.  I am all over CHEAP therapy.

I have decided to live blog American Idol tonight.  Except it won't be live as it will be on my DVR and I plan to watch it tonight but I may watch it tomorrow.  or never.  I don't know.

Last year I live blogged all season long, but this season, not so much.  So, feel free to come back tonight and read my thoughts about David and David and Ryan and Simon and Randy and Stupid.

Listen, I gotta be honest with you.  I am experiencing a period from hell.  Backache, headache, cramps, fattiness, crankiness, hunger, stupidity and freakin' fatigue.  I have it all.  And well, it puts me in the worst mood, not just because of the stupid symptoms but because I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING A PERIOD RIGHT NOW.

I should be pregnant and fat and uncomfortable with swollen ankles and hearburn.

NOT EXPERIENCING THE PERIOD FROM HELL.

And to top it all off?????????????  I have a showing at my house, a.k.a.  The House that People Look at 5,000 Times a Week, in ninety minutes.  My house may as well be a museum, it's always clean and nosey people come in way too often and just look and pass judgement. 

But hey, I took a pain killer, so I'll either not care what the house looks like or just sleep right through the showing.  Either one sounds good to me.

See you tonight.

or not.

Signed,
The Grouchiest Person on the Planet

P.S.  It took every ounce of strength and self control to not drop the f-bomb forty times in this post.  That's how much I love those of you who don't care for it.  But I'm screaming it in my head.  Over and over and over again.

P.S. again.  Is my blog taking forever to load for you?  or is it just me?

Perhaps tomorrow I'll do the opposite

Last night my niece called me to tell me that she and her boyfriend were getting married.

June 14th, (2008) she says.  I run the date through my mind and realize that it's a great date!  "okay, we'll be there."

Then she says "will you be my maid of honor?"

Blushing I reply "Can I wear jeans?"

To which she replies with "hahahahahaheeeheeeheeehoooohoooo."

She laughed, which either means:

"um, of course, you can wears jeans, a graphic tee, your running shoes and a pony tail, it will be like a graduation party, except its a wedding."

or it means "um, no."

I'm guessing her laughter meant no, so I realized very quickly that not wearing jeans equals wearing a dress which equals freaking out about my weight.

So, last night I decide that Tuesday marks the day where I stop eating my favorite snacks, it's time to buckle down and lose the remaining pregnancy weight that I have and feel good about myself.

I woke up this morning and I had started my period and since then I have eaten Honey Nut Cheerios, Cocoa Puffs, three hershey bar squares, 18 Bug Bites, 15 chocolately chip Teddy Grahams, Sun Chips and Macaroni and Cheese.

and it's only 12:12 p.m.

I'm off to a great start.  Perhaps I can change her mind about the jeans.

Oh, look!  Lunchtime!

Shabby Apple Giveaway

I am so excited about this giveaway, mainly because I get to give something away to one of my readers and I happen to love and adore my readers, so it's EXTRA fun for me to have a giveaway.

Especially this giveaway.

I am giving away a $50 gift certificate to Shabby Apple.  If you haven't seen their product line, you must go check it out.  Everything is so very trendy, yet simple.  I love it all.  So, when they approached me and I visited their site, I couldn't refuse.  Just look at their stuff!

I am already jealous of the person who wins this giveaway - between the bags and the bracelets and the dresses - I could spend the entire day on their website.  Seriously, any business that says "Rock Your Frock" has my approval.  LOVE IT.

So, here's how you win:
On this post and THIS POST only, tell me something about you in the comments.  You must tell me something about you, it could be that you've never traveled outside of your state or that you love grape jelly (which I think is gross, by the way) but you must tell me something.  Saying "enter me" will only disqualify you.  Sorry - I know the rules are tough, but I want to learn more about you and this is how I can!

I look forward to learning more about you.  Feel free to tell me as much as you want.  I'm listening.

The comments will be closed Wednesday night at 7:00 P.M. CST and I will draw the winner from the entire lot of comments.   I will announce the winner of this contest and the American Idol blog makeover contest on Thursday.

Good luck.

(yes, I know I've asked you to tell me something about you before, but it was so much fun, I wanted to do it again to learn more.  Tell me something new.  I tell you something new all of the time!  It's your turn, baby.)

Just a little PG-13 for you.

So, let's just say today was a good day and call it a day, shall we?  Because tonight, after dinner, everything started to suck.  I don't know why, I don't care why, it just did.    This morning was great, amazing, beautiful and fantastic, I mean, it included a clean house, Target and Barnes and Noble, how could it not be fantastic? 

But tonight after dinner, boy oh boy, I was SUCKER PUNCHED in the gut.  And let me tell you, I wanted to use the "F" word before the word gut in that last sentence and all night long for that matter, but I didn't because I know not everyone appreciates unsavory language.  But sometimes it feels so fucking good to swear.

I'm not saying, I'm just sayin'.  (that's what my Mom always says.) And I know you agree.  Well, I know MOST of you agree.  I am just so frustrated, I just want a break, I want peace, I want off of this roller coaster.  I.want.off.

So, I'm going to say good night and try to close this computer of mine because I am BURNED out and to be honest, I can't help but think I am burning you out talking about all of my grief and my sadness and bullshit ALL OF THE TIME

So, putting all that aside, (whew, I feel a teeny tiny bit better now), I wanted to show you the blogs that I redesigned this week, the best part of doing blog designs is working with awesome, fun, friendly bloggers.

You can check out my work but also check these fine bloggers out - who doesn't love a new blog to read, right?

(sorry I swore, Mom.  I couldn't help it. It was an accident.)

Adventures in Babywearing
Not that girl...this girl
What's that Mystery?
Life with the Two
Not just any Jen
From Grey to Green
Running from the Little People
Is There Any Mommy out There?  This blog belongs to Any Mommy, she is doing a study on her blog about cereal and sex. I'll leave it at that.  She needs your input.  Help the girl out with your knowledge, okay?
A Spoonful of Sarah

By the way, the original title of this post was "Just a little PG-13 for your ass" but Brian thought it was a little too....racy.  So, I deleted it.  Did I make the right choice?  You tell me.

Do people get offended when swearing occurs in a blog?  It's an interesting topic.  I don't mind it, (obviously) I mean, everyone is entitled to write what they want on their own blogs, but do you get offended?

Okay, for real, good night, sleep tight and don't forget about the contest tomorrow.

And I promise, it won't involve much swearing.

Oh my. *UPDATED*

I bought something today.  Something I have been eyeballing months, but I always put it back on the shelf after smelling it and counting how many were left on the department store shelf.

I used to LOVE to shop, but after losing James and Jake, that desire hasn't been there.  Sure I have purchased things.  Like jeans.  And graphic tees. Deoderant, Teddy Grahams.  But I haven't really shopped. 

Maybe it's because the sun was shining today and it was seventy degrees, maybe it's because I started the morning out in a restaurant having the most pleasant breakfast with Ariel and Racecar and Brian.  Today we celebrated my Mother's Day because Sunday last Sunday was too painful, it wasn't right.  Maybe it's because my house is clean, thanks to having five showings over the course of five days.  Maybe it's because our business has surpassed anything we could have ever imagined.

Maybe it's because of you.   I feel your love and your support and it means SO much to me that I feel a little lighter.  a little breezy.  Whatever it was, it felt right.

And I bought it. 

And I just had to show you, my friends.  Isn't she divine?

And I have something for you.  A giveaway on Monday. 
I'll give you a hint.
GO HERE.

**For those who have asked, I purchased this purse at Macy's and it's made by Fossil.  They have all sorts of fun, summery patterns.  Here's a direct link to the handbag.  And if anyone feels like buying me a birthday present, I'll take the matching wallet or this handbag.  or these flip flops.  See how helpful I am?  I'm all about helping out. But I have to stop looking at The Macy's website, it's making Brian very, very nervous.  He's starting to sweat.  A lot.**

He's Totally Addicted

and it's all Daddy's fault.

I'm just sayin'.

Surfacing

I'm in a funk.  and it's deep.  I feel my tears begin to surface at the slightest thought of James and Jake.  I want to lay down and cry when I realize how close I would be to their due dates right now.  I would be thirty weeks pregnant with my identical twin boys.  I should be pregnant with my identical twin boys.

Today started out very positive.  I sang to my kids and danced funny for them, I worked, I laughed.

And then we heard a certain song, a song that someday, I'll share with you.  A song that makes me cry.  Every single time I hear it.  I heard that song today, on my iPod and changed it half way through, because it was just too much.  That song hasn't left my head since.

Because of that song, I believe, it surfaced.  Grief surfaced.  Pain surfaced.  Sadness.  Loneliness.  I had this desire to sit down and tell someone every detail of their births or deaths.  Honestly, I don't know what to call it.  Doesn't birth mean life?  We never saw birth certificates, only death certificates.  I usually just say "when I delivered James and Jake."  But I don't really say it too much because I don't talk about them too much anymore.

But I want to.

I am so sick of their deaths.  I am so sick of them being gone.  I am so sick of thinking of the moment when the nurse, my trusted, amazing bereavement nurse, wheeled them away from us for the last time.

I cried.  I cried out "goodbye babies" as she went out the door.   It's not what I wanted to say, but it's all I could say without completely losing my mind.  I wanted to say NO PLEASE.  PLEASE NO.  They're going to be cold without me, we want to hold them for the rest of my life. But we no longer could.  My life with them ceased to exist.  Last October I didn't even know of a life with them and now I can barely stand the thought of my life without them.  From the moment that nurse started to move away from me, I missed them.

I hate that I had to decide when it was time for James and Jake to leave my hospital room.  I hate it.  There should be a law that if a parent loses their child, that a parent gets so many days or hours before they MUST be wheeled away by a nurse.  Because how can a parent decide when it's time?  How can a parent call the nurse and say "you can take them now."  Because that's what I had to do.  And those words, those words you can take them now, will haunt me for the rest of my life.  Because I gave someone permission to take my babies away.  And that is just too much for me to handle.

I'm sitting here, wondering what good this post does.  I'm shaking my head.  The emotional side of me is saying publish, publish.  The logical part, the weaker of the two, says do not.

I am going to publish this, with the hopes that YOU hug your children tighter.  That YOU listen to everything they tell you, whether it's about crayons or poop or the sun.  Listen.  Promise me that you will not take for granted the love that surrounds you.  Please, feel it.  Roll around in it.  Realize it's there.  Live it.

If you are reading this and you have suffered a loss like mine, or lost a child, I am so sorry.  I am so very, very sorry.

Answering your questions, Part 6,327

All right, friends.  It's time for me to answer more of your burning questions.  I have some time between design jobs and ice cream and idol, so I thought I would spend my time right here at my cozy blog.

I am going to start out by answering some questions that people have asked in e-mails or in other posts.

I'm going to start with a question asked just today by Carrie.  Hi Carrie!

She asks:  Can I ask you something...why do you have two blogs?  Not that I think there is anything wrong with that, I'm just wondering.  Actually I'm jealous, very jealous.  I don't have the ability to keep on blog going. Well, Carrie.  Would you believe I used to have THREE blogs?  I had to give one up because it was bad for my health.  And it's not even that I have two blogs, although technically I do, the second blog I moonlight on Wednesday's.  and only Wednesday's.  I am technically a freelance writer for our regional newspaper's parenting site.  So, I get paid for it.  I have to find some way to pay for  my graphic tee collection. 

By the way, my kids are being so rowdy right now, if you can hear them, and I am certain you can, I apologize.

The next question was an e-mail questions sent by Lorianne:

I have been following your site for a short time.  My heart goes out to you for your loss.  I just have to ask "what are your kids real names?"  If it is for privacy that you don't use them, I understand.  I'm just curious, that's all. Lorianne, thank you so much for your question.  I've been receiving a lot of questions about my chicken's name and well, I call them Ariel and Racecar for privacy reasons.  It's a struggle for me because I do love their names and I really do want to use them, but I just feel like I should give them a choice and right now they're just too young to understand.  but if you are really curious, you can go waaaay back in my archives to see.  I used to call them by their first names and I am WAY too lazy to go back and change them. 

But don't tell anyone.  It's a secret, damnit.

This crazy question comes from my real life, crazy friend, Tracey, she got a little irate in this question.  Tracey wants to know: 

My favorite food is nachos. Which brings me to my question. Is it too late to ask a question? When you say nachos, do you mean Doritos? Or nachos as in tortilla chips with melted cheese and maybe meat or beans and salsa and sour cream and all of that? Because I have heard that it is a midwestern thing to refer to Doritos as nachos, which would just be silly, because everyone knows that Doritos are Doritos and nachos are a mexican dish made with tortilla chips. But you midwestern people are crazy with your pop instead of soda and all of that.

I told you she was irate.  Okay, when I say nachos, I do not mean doritos.  In fact, I don't know anyone who refers to nachos as doritos and I know a lot of midwestern people.  But then again, maybe when they say "they're going out to get some nachos with Nellie Sue after the tractor pull", maybe they mean doritos.  What the hell do I know?

But we totally drink pop.  Word.  And we tend to use meaningless words after saying something we believe in.  Yo'.

See.  I told you.

Okay, now I can move onto some of the questions people asked me in that post way back in 1923.  (Could I have stretched this out any farther.  Um, yes.  I think I'll have another installment after this one.  SORRY!) 

This jewel of a question was asked by my friend, Sharon.  Sharon and I have never met, but I truly love her.  She means so much to me.  Now if I ever found out Sharon was really a large, bearded trucker who liked to hop on-line from the big rig at a truck stop every night and chat with mommy bloggers, well, honestly, I'd love him, too.  I kinda like beards.  That's how much I love Sharon.

Sharon asks:  How did your parents meet? And I mean all the details! After all, if it were not for this meeting, you wouldn't be here to ask us to ask you questions!

Good question, Sharon.  But isn't this supposed to be amount ME?  Just kidding.  I asked my Mom to write up a little something about her blooming romance with my Dad and this is what she wrote:

On a mild Spring evening in early April my sister and I stopped for cigarettes (they weren't so bad then) at the Clark Gas Station.  Also buying cigarettes (after all they were 3 packs for a dollar there) were our future husbands.  My sister and my future husband's best friend had gone out previously and since they wanted another date and Beth's dad and I were there also, it all fell together.  What fun we had!  My sister and I regaled the guys with stories of the "haunted" house we grew up in and it was so much fun.  While I was feeling all sparkly and witty and entertaining, it happened.  I can't believe it to this day. I said, "Was that sarcasity?".  And he said, "There's no such word as sarcasity."  (Of course I meant sarcasm but I said SARCASITY!!!! Now I can laugh about it and I do; but for a long time I blushed with embarrassment and humiliation when I thought about it.  Now, after 41 years (40 of them married), I know that you don't have to be perfect for everything to turn out perfectly.

Isn't that cute?  I think so, too.  The funny thing about this story is that I think of my Mom as the vocab queen.  Just recently she said something like "it warms the cockles of my heart." and well, I didn't even know a heart had cockles.  Did you?

Kellyn wants to know: 

What movie can you watch over and over again?  What is your favortie  quirk your kids have?  If you could be anywhere in the world, with the family, where would you go?  Let's see.  I have watched Good Will Hunting and City of Angels 7000 times each, so I guess that's the answer.  As far as quirks are concerned, I love that after my son kisses me, he has to put his cheek against mine and let out a little mmmm.  I love it.  A lot.  And Ariel, she says to me about 40 times a day "Mommy, I love you.  I mean a lot.  Like twenty thousand forty."  Everyday.  Forty times a day.

And if I could vacation anywhere with my kids it would be to anywhere warm with a pool.  No beach because Racecar hates sand.  The whole time we are there, he cries, because the sand apparently hurts.  or something.  It's awesome.

And the final question of the night is from D, D wants to know:

What is your favorite color m&m?  Um...red. blue. green. yellow. light brown and dark brown.  I do not discriminate.
Do you like coke or pepsi?  If I had to choose, I would choose coke, but at restaurants I always order water with lemon.  POP isn't my thing.

I'll be back again soon to FINALLY wrap up this question answering business.

Do you say soda or do you say pop?  Pop.  right?