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« Variety | Main | faith for the faithless »

June 23, 2008



You are going through SO much right now! Give yourself a break! No one expects you to be okay, to be yourself now. From everything you have said about your family and friends, they are probably so willing to be there and listen to you, even if you feel they aren't. I hope you find someone you can open up to, because you deserve to work this out and you deserve to feel some peace, and eventually you will. But please, give yourself a break you are totally normal.


Dear Beth,
Unimportant? Insignificant? Annoyance? Of all the words that exist in each language, these are the last 3 words that describe you. You are generous. Courageous. Loving. Brilliant. Honest. Real. Sympathetic. Empathetic. And grieving a loss that is impossible to comprehend. The expiration date on grieving your loss of Jake and James is eternity. Forever. Everyone understands this. You must trust that this is true. I so fear that I have put too much on your full plate this past week... I am so, so sorry...
Much love,

Adventures In Babywearing

I think many of us feel so similarly even when we haven't gone through such a painful experience and loss. So what you are feeling is unfortunately incredibly normal in incredibly un-normal circumstances.

Your friends do know what to do with you. We know to love you and give you all the time you need. If that's away from your blog or away from your thoughts in business or away from the monotony of motherhood. You take what you need and we know that someday when you have something to give again, you'll give until you are empty. But for now, you rest, and take your time.


Tracy F

I have been thinking about you and how you are doing without Brian there. Not ony because of the move, but being alone without him to lean on. I don't agre with the words you used to describe yourself, but I do understand that you feel those things. As I have said before, I wish I was closer to you. Although, I am only a phone call away. If you want to scream or just have someone to cry to (or if you do actually call me, I would be the one to cry with you.)

You must be trying to deal with so much right now. I will continue to pray that everything goes smoothly with the move. Thinking of you as always!


You have SO much going on in your life right now. Just keep being open and true, the real you. Your family and friends are always here for you. Please know that. And you could call me and we could both say, "This is the last Monday in our house." Crazy but true.


I understand about feeling like the grief should be subsiding a little. One thing I found with my grief was...after awhile had passed and I felt I should be able to put the grief in perspective, I just couldn't yet. So, I would only talk to those people I felt could truly understand what I was going through. It would actually make me feel worse if I opened up to someone about my feelings and they just didn't get it. I could tell by their response that my feelings were falling on deaf ears, so I kept to myself most of the time and only told those precious few how badly I was still feeling.

I don't know if my rambling made any sense, but hang in there and try to find those precious few who you can unburden yourself on from time-to-time.

Mary B

I don't know you but your grief is real. There is no expiration date and you need to feel what you feel. When its your time to feel the pain less, it will happen.
I am still praying for you, my heart hurts for you.


Beth, you are so very important.

You are a great friend, a wonderful loving mother and I'm guessing a pretty kick(butt) wife to boot. All these things you feel as if you are failing in? In reality, we all see you succeeding.

It's gonna be hard this month, you knew deep down in the bottom of that precious soul of yours it was going to be and it stinks. It stinks, it's horrible and we all wish we could change it.

But I am(and most of us are) still so very proud of you for each little step you take. Your cheer section is still here, Kleenex in hand if you need it or a bit of fo'shizzle my bizzle if that's needed too.

Please know that it's ok to feel. It's ok to feel sad when you need to and it's quite alright to let yourself feel happy and enjoyment too.

Your grief has no expiration date. There is no time line to follow. Your friends, your readers and your family know that. Let yourself know it.

All my love


Hi, Beth...

Hugs to you...

And please don't take this the wrong way... but I hope you're getting the help you need from a counselor or similar. I know about counselors... I've been seeing one for more than five years...

There is SO much that you're going through right now. And if there's only one thing I've learned from all that therapy (and there have been a LOT of things I've learned), it's that no matter how much our friends and husbands and family loves us there is NOTHING quite like finding a good, completely objective person with whom to discuss "stuff"... a person who doesn't have anything invested in us emotionally. (That's not to say the counselor doesn't care...)

This is more than I probably should say... but it's all I can think of that might even remotely help.



I've just begun to read your blog... and my dear woman, you are anything but how your have described yourself... anyone reading your work can see the compassion, the generosity, the caring, the enormous grief, the deep love and your continuous giving self. I cannot fathom your loss... but I wish I was there to grieve with you, to lend you a shoulder to cry on and a hand to help you up and help you move... You are in my prayers and in my heart.


I feel your pain! I am at 1 1/2 months of grieving and I feel like I am at that "expiration point". I find it sooo hard to express myself and just be me. I also am struggling with family and friends as well as my husband. I am so trying to get the "half-filled glass" attitude, but I also want the freedom to react to the moment and not hold it in because I feel like I should because of the people around me. Don't get me wrong... My friends and family are great, however, I feel like I am letting them down as well...
Peace and love,


You are quite allowed the pity party, don't you think? I wouldn't even call it a pity party- you are grieving the loss of not one, but TWO, sons. That's a lot to grieve for. Grieve away, all you want. We're here for you.


Ditto everything that's been said here. I am keeping you in my prayers and, though we've never met, I will listen any time. Thank you for having the courage to share. Blessings to you.


I wish there were some magic words that could be said to help you feel better. Once again, I cannot begin to imagine the pain you feel in your heart. It is NOT wrong to feel the way you do right now, and I doubt that by the way you've talked about your family and friends in previous posts, that any of them think you are slighting them in any way. You are grieving, and honey...you will be grieving until you meet your babies in Heaven. Your grieving process will change undoubtedly through the next weeks, months, and eventually years. Do not feel like you are going about this the wrong way...you need to handle this in whatever way makes you feel better. We all come here to read your blog everyday because we want to help you...and because your strength is an inspiration for us. Everyone stumbles through life...friends are there to pick you up and keep you going. We're here for you Beth.


You feel what you feel. I promise you, there is no expiration on grief. ((Hugs))


Oh sweetie, I hate that you feel that you have an expiration date for your grieving. I pray that you can get all your feelings out when you need too!

You deserve all the time in the world to process what happened to your precious babies and grieve properly!!!

Sure wish I had a button to push to just make all the hurt go away and for you to be holding your boys!! *hug*

Susan Breeding

Grief has no timetable. Grieve away--most people who read your blog are here to listen to your pain and know we would be greatly struggling if we were in your shoes.


Argh, you always know how to make me cry! Which is really the least of my problems considering what you are going through. :*( Beth, I am so sorry that this pain is part of your life right now. I pray for you every time I read about your loss. I wish that I could be the one to feel for you so that you don't have to. I can only imagine how saddening it must be to shop for newborn clothes for someone other than your own babies at this point in time specifically. I can't take your pain away but I can open my internet arms and offer you lots of hugs and share tears with you. *typed in between sobbing and husband looking at me strangely, especially when I tell him I'm fine.*


Party? Pity or otherwise, I'm there. I love parties, especially this one, because you're real. There's no bullshit in your writing. Woman, give yourself some grace. I don't think an expiration date is realistic or fair. You would be pregnant/delivering/mothering your babies right now. But you're not - IT SUCKS. Get up in the morning, breathe in and out and keep on going - that is what James and Jake want for their mommy and family. And thanks for not lying to us.


Feeling alone can be so lonely can't it? There is no expiry date on grieving but I understand how you feel that it there is a perceived unwritten one that people expect of you. Allow yourself to cry. Allow yourself to grieve. It is human and it is normal. I can't imagine how much this whole situation sucks right now. I just can't. I feel for you Beth.

I wish that lived closer just to come and give you a helping hand. Know that I am thinking about you always and you are in my prayers everyday.


Beth, your post just gives me a painful pit in my stomach that just aches for you. I cannot in any way imagine what you are feeling, but so hope you can find the healing you need. My prayers are with you at such a crazy, stressful time.

Tara R

ah honey, there is no expiration date on grief! Please don't be so hard on yourself. You scream and cry and tell the heavens and the world that you are not ok! Let us share your load the best we can :)

Aimee in Port Orange

My thoughts echo those already posted, So I just thought I would let you know someone else was thinking of you.


Heather @ Desperately Seeking Sanity

you have my number... you can call and scream and cry and anything else... you can vent about being a business owner... you can vent about selling the house... and if i were there, I would share the last days in the house with you and help you paint the new walls in the new house the colors that the kids like...

i know that we're not close... and only have met through the internet and blog designs, but i know what it's like to need to get it out and have no where to put it..

so the offer's there...

or call me about an install. either one works... :D



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