We are starting to fall into a routine here at our new home. Brian returned to work yesterday, after being home for five days after his most recent business trip, two business trips, really.
I am still trying to figure out how to keep the house clean, maintain the steady stream of laundry, try to work and build our business, try to be a Mom and sometimes, make more than macaroni for dinner...I'm also the landscaper who is trying to grow grass ALL DAY LONG OF EVERY SINGLE DAY.
I wanted to show you pictures of the trees we purchased for James and Jake. They are called Lollipop Crabapples and I adore them. (side note: I do intend to tell you the story about the "person" who sold the trees to me, I just have to be a in really good mood and have a lot of time.) They grow so wonderful and dense and in the spring they have beautiful white blossoms and in the winter they have tiny little crabapples that feed the birds. It's the perfect tree. In my opinion, of course. (side note: this is one of the trees from the front yard, there is a second one straight back from this one, in the backyard. side note #2: I do intend to give you a full garden tour, but it will have to wait until I buy mulch, have it delivered and actually add it to the flower beds, which could be 2011.)
This morning, while outside watering my tomato plant sitting on my deck, I looked over at one of the trees and I could see from far away that japanese beetles were eating my tree. I could see the little black, copper and green bastards and the damage they had already done to my precious tree. I knew that if they were doing this to one tree, they were doing it to the other.
I felt overly protective of my trees, like they were messing with my children.
It was time to kick some beetle ass.
I went into the garage and grabbed my ammunition, attached it to the hose and doused each tree for waaaaay too long, but I wanted to make sure I got every leaf, every twig wet. I did this with both trees, I felt like I was doing kung fu with the little bastards, in my mind I was Danny Larusso, (sidenote: did you know Ralph Macchio is forty-seven?) karate chopping them and kicking them in the gut, "hi-ya!" "Take that, you bitchass beetle." I was screaming profanities in my mind.
Or maybe out loud. I'm not really sure. While spraying the tree I was also battling the beetles that were flying towards me, dodging their stealth like flights. I think they were aiming for my eyes, trying to take me out so I would leave their new lunch room alone. But, within minutes they began to fall to the ground like drops of rain falling from a tree after a rainstorm.
It was beautiful.
I then started to think about what I must have looked like to my neighbors, attacking my trees like some sort of lunatic tree fighter, some may not have seen me and some may think I'm crazy, and some may understand.
One thing is for sure, if they didn't think I was crazy while fighting the beetles, they certainly thought I was crazy after my kids played outside with bike helmets on.
For hours.
At least for three weeks they thought we were normal. Longer than the last house we were in.
Stand your ground, woman. Don't let those sorry ass beetles invade your home turf...or dirt. Whatever.
Posted by: Thea @ I'm a Drama Mama | July 23, 2008 at 03:14 PM
I say you have to introduce the "real" you to the neighbors early. At our last house, I didn't meet the neighbors for...ready? EIGHT MONTHS! And who knows what they thought of me. Now they only love me cause I make cheesecake.
I'm glad you got the beetles under control. I would have done the same thing. Damn bugs.
Posted by: Sara | July 23, 2008 at 03:15 PM
oh my goodness, beth, i was cracking up at that image of you and what your neighbors must be thinking....glad you realize they were probably watching you, too. =)
lovin' the helmets.
Posted by: ~love | July 23, 2008 at 03:17 PM
"take that bitchass beetle"
oh my gosh, I mentally see a tagline or a button of some sort with that.
ha
Have no fear, JC plays with his helemt as well. I think it's normal. I'm sure your neighbors love your beetle kickin' ass.
Posted by: crookedeyebrow | July 23, 2008 at 03:47 PM
That's hilarious! You get'um!
Posted by: mandy | July 23, 2008 at 03:49 PM
We've got beetle issues here too. The leaves on our bushes look like lace. It's not good. I love the fact that your kids kept helmets on their heads while playing outside even if they weren't riding their bikes. I am sure our new neighbors think we're insane. I was chatting to a new neighbor who came over to introduce herself and in the background guess what my kids were doing? Peeing in the grass in the middle of the yard with their shorts down to their knees! Talk about embarrassment!
Posted by: Lynette | July 23, 2008 at 04:37 PM
Haha, my 2yr old son play with his helmet like that, too. He can't even ride a bike, but he insists on wearing that helmet.. even inside the house! Can't wait to read about the awful woman who sold you the trees (looks beautiful, btw).
Posted by: Laura H | July 23, 2008 at 04:41 PM
Hahahaha! There are so many things about this that frighten me and crack me up at the same time. Why can't you be my neighbor? My kids would play with your kids in bike helmets all day and LOVE it.
Posted by: Deconstructing Jen | July 23, 2008 at 04:52 PM
"Kick some beetle ass." Priceless! Don't let those bastards get your way cool trees. We haven't landscaped our backyard yet and I really like those trees and the fact that you chose them for your boys. Would it be insulting if I ended up planting the same kind? Imitation being the most sincere form of flattery and all that...
Glad to read that you're up and kickin' ass today. I think of you often.
Posted by: Susan | July 23, 2008 at 05:40 PM
Great mental picture in my head. :o) Too funny.... be prepared for more beetles in about 7 to 10 days. They seem to cycle through, just my observation.
Posted by: Dory | July 23, 2008 at 06:02 PM
You're hilarious Beth! =) I love the kids in their helmets! LOL.
Posted by: Debbie | July 23, 2008 at 07:03 PM
At least you can get your kids to WEAR their helmets! With mine, it's like pulling teeth to get it on her head, and she rips it back off the minute my back is turned. Much the same story with shoes, too.
GO BETH. You give 'em beetles what fer, girl!
Posted by: Megan (FriedOkra) | July 23, 2008 at 07:04 PM
I hope you get the shirts that say "I kick beetle ass!" Way to stand up for your trees.
Posted by: Anissa@Hope4Peyton | July 23, 2008 at 07:19 PM
Hi Beth,
I stumbled into your blog a few months ago. My prayers are with you and your young family. There are no words that will lessen your grief, but please be patient with yourself.
I have a real problem with "lily beatles". When I read about how you attacked your beatles I got hopeful that maybe your method would work on my lily beatles... what did you use? Our beatles are disgusting and they keep laying eggs etc and chewing through the leaves too -- they totally make a mess out of them but thankfully they don't eat any other plants.
Would you mind mentioning what chemical you used?
Take care of yourself,
JoAnn
Posted by: JoAnn | July 23, 2008 at 07:37 PM
You are hysterical. I was in tears picturing you out in your yard, dancing around, cussing at beetles and spraying your trees...except in my mind you had a beekeeper outfit on. LOL! I love it!
Posted by: Aimee | July 23, 2008 at 07:48 PM
You make me laugh. And my kids used to play with their helmets on too...especially my soon who is almost 11. Someone gave him an actual skateboarding helmet and he wears it even when he's not skateboarding. My daughter is 3 and wears a football helmet ALOT of the time.
Get in touch with me about the mulch. I can get you a pretty good deal from where I work...delivered. We have gold, red, and brown.
Posted by: Angie | July 23, 2008 at 08:42 PM
You mean kids don't normally wear their bike helments all day long? Boo does in spurts. More work to take it off I guess.
Those beetles are nasty! Good work!!
Posted by: Kellyn | July 23, 2008 at 09:22 PM
Oh honey, I've long since given up hope of our neighbors thinking us normal :)
Posted by: Moriah @ Please Pass the Salt | July 23, 2008 at 09:26 PM
"Bitch ass beetle"??? Oh my goodness you were funny tonight.
Did you have to Google the Karate Kid to know how old he is? Or are you one of those random trivia people that piss me off?
Posted by: Laurie | July 23, 2008 at 10:44 PM
Laughing because I too have attacked the bitchass beetles! We planted a tree in the front yead for the baby we lost and when the beetles come my husband sprays in the afternoon. So every morning I go out first thing and shake it until the beetles fly off...I never thought about what the neighbors might think (why is that crazy woman shaking the tree) just that the beetles had to get off my tree.
Posted by: CWells | July 24, 2008 at 07:40 AM
Ralph Macchio can NOT be 47!! That is blasphemy!
Did you go to the concert? How was it? There is a song on his new cd that always reminds me of you when I listen to it. How weird is that? I don't even know you (well at least not in real life). Anyway, let me know if you have the cd and I'll tell you what track. Or I'll send it to you if there is such a way to do such a thing. You would know better than me if that is possible because you are a tech girl and I am so not a tech girl.
Posted by: Jen | July 24, 2008 at 08:26 AM
You go girl!
Posted by: sunshine | July 24, 2008 at 08:57 AM
Ralph Macchio used to adorn my closet doors. He still looks good for 47, I think...
Steph
Posted by: Adventures In Babywearing | July 24, 2008 at 10:44 AM
"Time to kick some beetle ass!" bwahahahahaha...that made me laugh out loud. I feel like I am doing a similar thing in our ENORMOUS garden. Only...its grasshoppers. grasshoppers everywhere.
Posted by: Frances | July 24, 2008 at 11:00 AM
I love how your kids are playing in there helmets. Maybe the new neighbors see you as just a little over protective? HA!
Hope the beetles stay away!
I've left a little suprise for you at my place, if you have a chance come see! : )
Posted by: Elaine | July 24, 2008 at 11:04 AM