FINALLY.

I'm embarrassed to be doing this,  But it's been bothering me that I haven't, so today is the day.

Remember 85,000 years ago, when I asked you all to ask me questions and many of you did and it took me like 19 years to answer most of the questions?

Well, I never finished answering them and I feel so badly because you all took the time to ask and I just never answered, I think about it EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I know.  I'm sick. 

I can let my toilets go dirty for a long time, but not answering questions from my readers is completely unacceptable. 

So, although it's been since APRIL (OMG!), today is the day to answer the remaining questions.  And believe me...I will be asking for more questions very, very soon, so start thinking.

And I'll even answer them, within six months, next time around.

First question:

These questions came from Aimee in Port Orange, she asks:

Whats your favorite meal?  Do you have any guilty pleasures? If so what?
Anytime you talk about food, you are a friend of mine.  (note to self: write post about being fat and join weight watchers tomorrow.  or the day after that.)

I think one of my favorite meals is my Mom's meatloaf with mashed potatoes.  So good.  So fattening.

Do I have guilty pleasures?  No.  Unless you count eating 32 milk chocolate covered cashews everyday a guilty pleasure.  (Christy sent me almost three pounds of them last week and I may or may not be almost out of them already.)  or Concrete Mixers from Culver's with oreos and peanut butter cups in them.

A questions from KristiW:

What is your favorite talk show? What was your favorite show growing up?  When is your birthday?
I used to love me some Oprah, but I haven't watched it in months.  Mainly because her episodes seemed to be boring (is it just me?) but also because I just ran out of time.  I very rarely watch TV.

Now, when I was a child, I watched me some TV.  I loved Different Strokes and What's Happenin' (hey! hey! hey!) and Who's the Boss and um...FAMILY TIES!  I always wanted a kitchen door that pushed that way.  You know, the kind in EVERY SINGLE SITCOM in the 70's and 80's.

Now Brenda asks some hard hitting questions, she cuts right to the chase and you know what?  I kinda like it.
 
If this is too personal or too painful to answer, please feel free to ignore it.  Do you think you will have any more children? What do you love about being married?  Do you feel as though your life is how you planned?  What are some things you still want to do in your lifetime? Name some specifics, like before your children are grown and afterwards.

Do I think I'll have more children?

Do you have a few hours?

Short answer.  I don't know.  Instead of being excited at the thought of taking a pregnancy test, I now fear it.  I dread pregnancy, but I really do want another child.  Maybe two.  I don't think I have ever been so scared of something in my entire life.  Is it possible we are done having children?  Yes.  And that scares me, too.

What do I love about being married? I love a lot about being married.  I love being okay with doing nothing at night and sitting in my pajamas, I love having someone know me really, really well.  I love going to sleep with my husband by my side, I love that he loves me.  A lot.  And when I say "can you run to Culver's and get me a concrete mixer?"  I love that he rolls his eyes, smiles and says okay.

What do I want to do in my lifetime?  I want to take photography more seriously.  (more news on that later.....) I want to drive to California with the kids.  I would also like to write more.  However, I feel very fulfilled, I have an amazing family, I get paid to write, I get paid to design and soon, I hope, I'll get paid to take pictures.

And from Antonette:
 

If you were given the opportunity to go to ANY college for free right now and take ANY class(es) you wanted...what would you take and which college would you choose?  I don't really care what school, but I would love to take an insane amount of photography, photoshop and business classes.

Did you know colleges actually offer Blogging classes?  WHO KNEW?!
From Peggy:

First, a semi-serious one: You have referred to working at home -- do you mean blogging or do you have another job as well (besides, of course, that motherhood gig!)? When you asked this question I was working for the Chicago AMA, ten hours a week.  Now I am part owner of ruby & roja design and I work like 7,000 hours a week.  And I love it.

Second, a simply silly one:  What kind of purse do you carry? It's Fossil and it's purty.

Kristin asks:

Do you sleep with your socks ON or OFF?  LOL  OH MY GOSH, you may say LOL, but I take this question very, very seriously.  I sleep with my socks OFF.  No matter how cold it is!

And another hard hitting question, this time from Tricia.  How is your husband dealing with the loss of the twins ? And how is he dealing with your emotions? Do you feel alone at times because I'm sure he is supportive.

Brian, I don't think, is dealing with the loss of the twins.  That's just my opinion, it's his nature, his genes, to force himself to not think about the difficulty of a situation.  He finds his silver lining and only thinks about that.  And it annoys the crap out of me.  Some see that as a good quality, but I don't.  But that's how he is and there is nothing I can do about it. 

I almost always feel alone.  I think that's pretty normal, I'm getting pretty used to it, really.  The most venting I do is on this blog, so if he sees I'm upset, he'll just read my blog and then talk to me about it.  I know it's sad and seems dysfunctional, but I feel very strongly that if I did have not this outlet, I would hold everything in.  Just like my husband.

And then I would lose my mind.

I love this question from Tracy.  What does your joy look like today?
Tracy, I know you wrote this question for me way back in April.  But I think I was meant to answer it today.  My joy, seems a little bit limited today.  I'm not sure why.  Some days are difficult, some are amazing.  Some are just...okay and blah.  That's today.  However, even in my darkest hour, I see joy.  I see it in my children, my husband, my home that is way too messy, the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I had for lunch and the beer I'll have later on.
Marci asks:

What one food would you have the most trouble giving up?
Pizza.  No doubt about it.
and ice cream.
(and chocolate)
My friend Mrs. Schmitty wants to know:

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? In my younger years, I had high hopes to be a cashier at grocery store.  All that scanning and number punching would make my head spin.

But then I decided that maybe I wanted to do something else...so in high school I declared I would be a journalist.

But I did not.

And Lovelyn asks a very simple question that I have spent many hours trying to answer.  It's a toughie.  (I love Lovelyn, she lives near me, I created her blog header and I love it and she's pregnant with her fourth girl.  She's beautiful.)
Dylan, Brandon or Steve?

ummm...hmmmm...let me see....I don't know.  Who are these people?

Janb wanted to know:

Do you wear socks to bed?  Um never.  I would die.

Beth, Why did your parents name you what they did? Is there a story?  How about your grandparents? What do you most remember about them? My parents named me Beth because I have no idea.  And I would call my Mom and ask her but she's taking a nap.  So, I'll just assume she named me Beth because that is her middle name.  She's Mary Beth.  I'm Beth Helen and my grandma's name was Helen Anna Pauline.  (and Anna is Ariel's real name.  shhhh....don't tell Brian I told you. and her middle name is the same as my middle name.  Aren't we cute?)

Seriously.  Don't tell Brian.

What do I remember about my grandparents?  There house had the most distinct smell ever.  It was wonderful.  My grandma had an interest in everything...nature, flowers, vegetable gardening, weather, farming, animals.  Everything.  She loved life and died way too early.  I miss her so much, we all do.  She was amazing.  I can only hope to be a quarter of how great she was.

My grandpa?  He's still alive.  He's feisty and sometimes angry and grouchy and I think he's pretty pissed that he's still alive, but sometimes I think it's an act.  He does have a good heart and he was a really hard worker, a farmer, a fireman, he could fix ANYTHING.

They both gave wonderfully, wet kisses.

My other set of grandparent's passed away.  My grandfather, we called him "Top," not grandpa (I'm not sure why), he passed away when I was quite young.  He was very tall and I remember him holding me in his arms as if his arms were a swing and he'd swing me up and down.  It was a blast.

When my niece was 2 or 3 I decided to play the same game with her, but at the first swing I dropped her on her head.  That was fun. (back off, I was like 12)

My other Grandma was very, very short.  When I think about her, I want to put her in my pocket.  She always had jewelry on and her house was always clean.  She was a very sweet, loving woman.  She also always said she was 21.  I always believed her.  I was an idiot.

I am very blessed to have had the grandparents I had.  I wish I had spent more time with them.

Great questions, Jan! (I miss you, by the way!)

Kelly asks:

If you had all the money in the world - what would you buy?

I think one thing I would do is buy a massive piece of land, in North Carolina, for my entire family, you know, should they want to move into a free house.  (we would all live separately) I would like to hire a landscaper to help me create a beautiful garden, filled with wild flowers and plants and lollipop crabapples, ponds, waterfalls and benches.  This garden would be filled with birds and butterflies, flying all throughout the day.  It would be completely and totally dedicated to not just my boys, but all of the people in our family we have lost.  This is the one place I would feel comfortable spreading some of their ashes.

I'm sure I would donate a lot of money, too.  And I'd buy a lot of donuts.

Rach wants to know:

Would you ever want to be pregnant with twins again? I ask because my first pregnancy was twins - only one survived. And sometimes I think I want twins again, and sometimes thinking of being pregnant with twins again fills me with dread - too much at stake, you know?

One of the greatest joys I have ever known was being pregnant with twins.  Having identical twin brothers, I know that bond that is created and it's one of the most amazing things I have ever witnessed.  Would I love to be pregnant with twins again?  Yes.  Honestly.

However, what I really want is a healthy child, a healthy pregnancy.  Whether there is one or ten, it makes no difference to me.

 

 

Comments

[Christy M.]

So glad you finally got around to answering these! You're welcome for the cashews. Better you than me ;)

It makes me very happy that I can read your blog on ruby jr.
Miss you!

[Rebecca (Ramblings by Reba)]

Hey! "Family Ties" RULES!

And "Dylan, Brandon, or Steve?"

Hahahahaha!

:)

And my answer is "Brandon."

[Melissa]

As I sit here and drink my beer and eat my pizza (hey, it's Friday! And I really am starting to do WW again faithfully in Sept!), I am excited to see that you want to pursue photography! That is one of my goals this year since my boys have left me for kindergarten. I signed up for the NYIP online course and can't wait to get started! I think you have a real talent for photography! Go for it!

[sarah m.]

Um, hello? Dylan, Brandon or Steve - you seriously don't know who they are? And I thought you were cool. They're from Beverly Hills 90210!!! And my fave was & still is Dylan. Gotta love the bad boy on the motorcycle w/ long side burns. Yummy!

[Heather]

Oh Beth. You lost cool points with the Dylan, Brandon & Steve thing. :) I am willing to let you slide though because of your desire to move to NC. I grew up there and I'd LOVE love love to go back. Soon. please.

[Adventures In Babywearing]

Dylan!

: )

Steph

[The Dumbest Smart Girl You Know]

I'm a Dylan girl, too. I even had a cat named Dylan! He was orange, with freckles on his nose. No lie.

I love your writing--your wit, your honesty, your heart that glows in every word! Thank you for sharing with all of us.

[racheal]

okay..this might be retardedly long but i /had/ to comment...ya know?

:)

totally agree about oprah...my mom and i use to watch it obsessively, it was "our thing" (my dad would record it for my mom on TAPE before they had dvr..that's true love) but it has gotten kinda boring and not as interesting.

you totally sidestepped when your birthday was.

"I love going to sleep with my husband by my side, I love that he loves me."

that made me cry a little. my husband has to rotate shifts every couple of months and tonight while he is out arresting drunk people i'm trying to tire myself out because i hate going to bed alone and worrying about him. it is so special to be loved for just you...:)

photography and photoshop classes would rock.

i love the "What does your joy look like today?" question. it's brilliant. with all that's been happening in the last couple of months, i need to remember the little things. i think i'm going to print that up and frame it somewhere.

i love name stories. my stepdaughter's middle name is rayne...and for a long time everybody assumed that it was because it POURED the night she was born but my husband says it's just cause it sounded pretty. men! lol...he got to name her because he took bets with his ex-wife that she would be a girl.

the garden sounds beautiful.

you grandparents sound like neat people...:)

okay..i've rambled enough...here's to finding bigger joy tomorrow!

hugs

that was one of my favorite posts to read...lol...i don't know why.

[Minivan mom]

Brandon in the early years, Steve in the late years.

I'm going to spare you the not-knowing-90210 tongue lashing since Sarah M. beat me to the punch.

And your answer to Tracy about joy? I've had lots of personal difficulty and loss (losing pregnancies, a 44 year old parent to cancer, a sick, premature infant, blah blah blah) but you know what's tough? I TOTALLY get your answer, not in response to any incident, but because that's just who I am NORMALLY. Having a lifelong struggle with depression, I don't need a reason to wake up and have a limited feeling of joy. It kind of sucks, but I've never known any other way.

But I can always find something to be grateful for, even if I feel blah in my gratitude. :)

[Allie]

Oh Beth ... you have no idea how much I love you (yes, I know that sounds creepy) and wish that I lived closer. I can honestly identify so much with you and found myself nodding with understanding in your answers or giggling.

[To Think Is To Create]

Ok, freaking out (and obsessed) because of two reasons:

1. Dylan. And you would have totally been a Brandon had you known what this was about.

2. My dream is to buy a big property in NC for my whole family so we can all have houses on it and have like the Kennedy compound or something.

P.S. Get outta my head.

[Anissa@Hope4Peyton]

Thank you for sharing all that about yourself. The funny and quirky, the emotional and raw honest. You are a special lady and I hope you feel that every day.

[Chelsea]

Lovelyn's question cracked me up. Were you not a 90210 fan? I'll answer it: Brandon, hands down. Dylan had too much baggage, Steve was insensitive, but Brandon was just a good-ole Midwestern boy with gorgeous eyes.

[Sharon - Mom Generations]

Your warmth and wit always brings me such wonder. And I know that this particular response is from another of your blogs... but I LOVE BARNS TOO. I love barns. And I guess I should have known all along that you love barns, too. I don't know many other people who do... Love, Sharon

[Jenna]

ya know? I had not thought about the swinging door to every kitchen in every 70's and 80's sitcom but now that I think about it you right! lol I miss family ties!

oh and on the Brandon, Dylan, Steve question...I am a rebel and have to go with Steve. Yes he was insensitive but at last he was honest...he was funny and was kind of like ok I know I am a jerk but deal with it. lol. Plus I thought he was cute.

[~love]

LOL. oh, beth....i totally forgive you for not knowing what the heck i was talking about simply because of the way you answered...hilarious. (and the nice things you said about me!) =)

for the record...i was a dylan girl then, but think i might like steve a lot more if i were watching now.

i so wanted a door like in family ties.

i cannot STAND being cold while going to sleep. i make a cocoon out of blankets around me. yet the thought of sleeping with socks on my feet makes me ILL.

i want some meatloaf, mashed potatoes and a concrete mixer...now. =)

LOVE the name and grandparents stories!

[sonya]

1st i have to say...dylan...always dylan!

secondly, i have a question for you to answer...& forgive me if i missed it or you are still not ready to post...

but i do remember a promise to tell everyone about your experience when buying the trees...i'm still waiting...& only if you're ready...& if you're not...than that's fine too...just curious... ;)

[Thea @ I'm a Drama Mama]

Dylan is yummy...

And I'm with you on the photography...I would love to take classes and halfway decent shots...

But that all starts with a halfway decent camera...

[Goodies for Mom]

Let's move to NC together!!! I love it there.