This past week has been a very interesting week for me. Tuesday night, I had dinner with some of my best friends, three of whom are pregnant and due any day now. Although knowing they are pregnant and seeing them is another painful reminder of our loss, seeing them, their glows, the anticipation in their eyes is just so exciting. I can't wait to meet these little babies. Between you and me, I think they've met James and Jake. But that's our little secret.
Thursday, as I'm sure you all remember, was wonderful.
I just wanted to take a second to thank you all for being there with me every single day. I know you all think that this blog is just a blog that gets traffic and that's that. But I am just a dirty jean and yoga pant wearing (even though there ain't no yoga goin' on) real person, who sits here, sometimes with no bra on, surrounded by cereal stuck to my floor and doing what I can to get through the day, one day at a time, trying to be the best person I can be. I have this blog because it's good therapy for me, it's fun to write, but also, I love hearing from all of you.
I've said it before, but I have no idea how I became so lucky to be able to have EACH AND EVERYONE of you come to my blog and read and sometimes comment. (you know I love comments! You're my friends, I love hearing from you!)
Last week I was having an I LOVE MY READERS moment (which happens all of the time) with Brian and I said "I just wish I could meet every single one of them." Even those of you who have never commented, but you come daily to check in and read, sometimes cry, sometimes laugh. This week your comments and e-mails have been so supportive and HILARIOUS. (seriously...you guys are hysterical.) I mean, Ashley is leaving comments about Seal's package and Sharon is leaving the most profound, amazing, beautiful, loving comment about our trees and honoring MY ENTIRE FAMILY with her words. But each comment is filled with love, no matter how simple. I even said to Brian that I wish I could host a live chat and get to know everyone. That's why I love it when you guys share things with me, I get to learn about YOU. I love that.
Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for reading and coming back, for your words, your prayers, your smiles, your love. I feel it, more than you could ever imagine.
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You may be seeing some changes here this weekend. I am changing I Should Be Folding Laundry over to wordpress (finally) and Heather and I (Heather, who I have MAD love for) are working to make this blog a little bit neater, more beautiful and easier to navigate.
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I don't know if you've noticed, but I do not do much blog surfing, not as much as I would like. But one day this week, I took a few minutes to go read and I found this post by Anissa. It's a must read. Tell her Beth sent you.
Have a great weekend.
I used to love me some Oprah, but I haven't watched it in months. Mainly because her episodes seemed to be boring (is it just me?) but also because I just ran out of time. I very rarely watch TV.
Now, when I was a child, I watched me some TV. I loved Different Strokes and What's Happenin' (hey! hey! hey!) and Who's the Boss and um...FAMILY TIES! I always wanted a kitchen door that pushed that way. You know, the kind in EVERY SINGLE SITCOM in the 70's and 80's.
Now Brenda asks some hard hitting questions, she cuts right to the chase and you know what? I kinda like it.
If this is too personal or too painful to answer, please feel free to ignore it. Do you think you will have any more children? What do you love about being married? Do you feel as though your life is how you planned? What are some things you still want to do in your lifetime? Name some specifics, like before your children are grown and afterwards.
Do I think I'll have more children?
Do you have a few hours?
Short answer. I don't know. Instead of being excited at the thought of taking a pregnancy test, I now fear it. I dread pregnancy, but I really do want another child. Maybe two. I don't think I have ever been so scared of something in my entire life. Is it possible we are done having children? Yes. And that scares me, too.
What do I love about being married? I love a lot about being married. I love being okay with doing nothing at night and sitting in my pajamas, I love having someone know me really, really well. I love going to sleep with my husband by my side, I love that he loves me. A lot. And when I say "can you run to Culver's and get me a concrete mixer?" I love that he rolls his eyes, smiles and says okay.
What do I want to do in my lifetime? I want to take photography more seriously. (more news on that later.....) I want to drive to California with the kids. I would also like to write more. However, I feel very fulfilled, I have an amazing family, I get paid to write, I get paid to design and soon, I hope, I'll get paid to take pictures.
And from Antonette: