I Should Be Folding Laundry

Yes. But he's four.

A few weeks after we moved in, the doorbell rang.  I went to the door and found two lovely boys standing sweetly in front of me.  "Can Racecar come out to play?"  (I so badly want to use real names, but Brian vetoed it...sorry!)  "Well, um...nnnnot, right now." I answered nervously.  This had never happened to me, I have never had kids come over to ask if my kids could come out to play.

I asked what their names were and how old they were, the bigger of the two spoke for both of them.  "I'm Fred and I'm 10 and this is Barney and he's 7."

"Oh, well.  Um....Racecar is four and how do you even know who Racecar is?" I asked.

"We met him in your backyard yesterday."  Which happened to be the same day I left Brian in charge of the kids outside while I worked inside and then I looked outside and saw my kids coming out of someone else's back door.  It was very "twilight zone," really.   (side note: do not leave your kids with my husband.  side note to side note:  I'm totally kidding, he watches other kids a thousand times better than he watches our own.  The first side note is just for me.)

Anyway, back to the story.  (by the way, this is how I tell stories in real life, I interrupt myself and every story has seventeen side stories and before ten hours is up, I never even finish one story.)

(just ask my sisters.)

(and Brian.)

(except I never really talk to Brian because when he gets home I am typically comatose.)

ANYWAY.

I shoo'd the boys away and shut the door and called Brian and told him how cute and crazy it was that these boys came over and asked for Racecar. 

And then the next week they came back.

"how old are you boys again?"  Ten and seven, they replied.

"You do know Racecar is four, right?" 

"Yeah, can he come out and play?" 

"Well, yes, but only in the backyard, our backyard, he's to young to run around the the neighborhood."

So, I asked Racecar if we wanted to go outside and play and he said yes.

And off they went.

For five minutes.

Then they came back again the next week.

"Can Racecar come out and play?"

"You do know he's four, right?"

"He is?  What grade is he in."  He asked as if this was brand new information.

"Well, no grade really, just preschool."

"How old is she?"  He asked while pointing at Ariel.  "She's five and she goes to your school, she's in kindergarten."

"Awesome, does she ride the bus?"

"No."

"OH MAN, SHE SHOULD RIDE THE BUS IT'S SOOOOOOOOO MUCH FUN, IT'S THE BEST, WE LOVE THE BUS, WE CAN'T WAIT FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!"

And then Ariel started to cry because she doesn't ride the bus.

So, Racecar goes outside and playS and I'm in the living room and Brian's in the office and I hear Racecar come in and say "yeah, we've got Guitar Hero and Mario Brothers and Wii Fit....."

I stood up...."um, what you are boys doing?"

"We are playing Wii."

"Well, unless there is a Wii in the backyard, then we are not playing Wii.  Racecar, if you want to play Wii, come inside and say good bye to your friends."

"Bye Friends," he said, without hesitation. (his devotion to Wii is deep, friends.  Real deep.)

Twenty minutes later.

Someone knocks on my patio door.  Shockingly, it's these boys.

"Can Racecar come out to play?"

"Yes.  But he's four."

"He is?  Is Racecar playing Wii?"

"Yes."

Racecar comes to the door.  "Hey Racecar, what are you playing?"

"Um, Guitar Hero, I want to rock and roll all night."

"Can we come in and play, we've never played Wii?"  They asked me sweetly.

"No."

Twenty minutes later, the boys return.

"Can Racecar come out to play."

"No, he has homework."

"But he's only four, how can he have homework?  Can we come in and play Wii?"

Oy.

"I need lots and lots of drinks."

(I said that, not the kids.)

Oh where, oh where could they be?

Where, where, where did my babies go? 

Who are these children?  As babies they were so beautiful and cute, but as children they are kind and magnificent and interesting and loving.  (AND beautiful and cute!)

As each year goes by I fall deeper and deeper in love with these two people who have graced us with their presence.

We are so blessed to be their parents. I'm pretty sure my heart WILL explode by the time they are ten.  And that's okay with me.

At least they're honest

Just now, before going back to his room for quiet time for me him, Racecar leans over me, while I'm sitting in my chair and says "Hey!  Your belly is getting bigger!"

Yes.  You heard that right, my son noticed my belly is getting better.

Trying not to be offended, I respond "you think so?"

"Yes!  Are the babies back in your belly?"  he asks.

"No they are not." I respond. 

"They are in heaven with God?"  he says.

"Yes."

"Why did God take them?"

"Because they died, honey."

"Why did they die?  Why did God want them?"

At this point in the conversation, I wonder how I am supposed to not say to him, "I have no freaking idea why GOD took my babies from me.  Maybe it's because I called that truck driver an asshole last year, maybe it's to teach me something HUGE AND WONDERFUL AND HOLY, I have no freaking idea."

But c'mon, this boy is four, I can't respond that way and honestly when I do respond, I sound so phony it makes ME sick.  I mean, what am I supposed to say?  Tell him some bullshit story about God wanting them with him and not knowing why and that we should just accept it?  That they are in a better place?  Do I believe that they are in a better place?  HELL.NO.  Sorry.  I don't.

And he says something about his brothers and he puts him arm around my neck and says "I got you, Mama."  Which is what this child says to me when I cry (even though I wasn't crying this time, he knows I do sometimes when discussing James and Jake.)  He says "I got you, Mama."  and he always knows the right time to say it.

Which is why it seems so unfair to him that last week, while taking him to the bathroom in the middle of the night, (something I do before going to bed at night), I picked him up and carried this tired, limp boy in my arms into the bathroom.  I go to set him down and put him directly into the toilet.

I laughed so hard I thought I was going to die.

Back to Racecar thinking I'm pregnant.  Wow.  Ouch.  I wonder at what point I'll quit being disgusted with myself and start doing something about it.

Oh and this morning, while trying on a shirt in the dressing with Ariel at Kohl's, I put a shirt on and she says "Mommy, that shirt is so pretty, take off your glasses so you can be pretty, too."

I guess I'll stick to contacts.  And spanx.

He's Totally Addicted

and it's all Daddy's fault.

I'm just sayin'.

The Sun

If you've come here looking for a post about how sad I am today, I'm afraid you will have to search the archives from the past two weeks to find what you are looking for.  Today, for the third day in a row, the sun in shining and I have to believe it is having a positive effect on me.  Between the not so cold weather, time, my house being disgustingly clean, the sun, the support of all of you, my friends and my family and quite honestly, my pal, Prozac, today feels better.

Even though Brian went back to work today and even though Racecar did not go to school today because he has a fever, TODAY, or at least RIGHT NOW, things feel good and I want to roll around in the goodness.

So, I'm going to show you some pictures and take you through some happy things.  I think we all deserve that.  Don't you?

This is a picture taken this morning of the kids in our bed, watching TV.  Between the kids and the stuffed animals, you can see there is limited room for Mom.  So, up I went to make coffee and take pictures.

Little did you know, last weekend we traveled to Louisville for one night to visit my sister and her family.  It was her son's third birthday, so we wanted to celebrate with him and we did.  Throughout this entire ordeal of losing James and Jake, my sister has been a solid rock for me to lean on.  She has gone out of her way to do incredible things for us and these two quilts are the perfect example of what kind of person she is.  She and another angel of a woman, worked on these two precious items that I love with all of my heart and soul.  My sister (Sarah) stayed up late and worked so hard to get these done before our visit and somehow she did.  They are made up of various meaningful fabrics, the stripe fabric is from one of Racecar's shirts when he was a baby and another fabric is from one of Ariel's sleepers that she wore.  I wish you could feel how soft these are or smell them, they smell so good.  I have been sleeping with them each night. I love them, when I look at them I think about so many things, but mostly I think about the thoughtfulness and generosity of my sister.

This is my sister's daughter.  She's so fun and so pretty.

This is a necklace that Brian and I ordered for me, I love to wear this necklace, it's so special to me.  It's from Planetjill, I love the quality and it shipped quickly.

Here are some pictures of Racecar taken this morning.  This is Racecar with a fever.  Can you imagine him without a fever?  He's an amazing child.

And finally, our Ariel.  Our warm, loving and caring Ariel.  She had her kindergarten physical yesterday, it's hard to believe she's so old.  She's such a special little girl.

My parents, oh my parents have been so good to us.  They have been coming over every night after work and having dinner with us, they have been playing with the kids and bringing over my favorite Coldstone Creamery ice cream, they've just been here for us.  We are so grateful for them and the time they have been spending with us.  I don't think they'll ever know how much it has helped us cope.

And finally, if I could take a picture of all of you, with your prayers and your positive thoughts and your comments, I would, of every single one of you.  I just hope my words can paint a vivid enough picture for you of how amazing I think you all are.  Thank you for caring and understanding and for sending your love.  I can feel it.  From each and everyone of you.

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, there lived two bookshelves tucked inside two preschooler's closets that were FILLED NEATLY with books.

And then one dark day, the bookshelves were empty.

And there were piles of books all over the house.

The piles looked like this:

The "maid" of the house, her name is "Mommy", was deeply disturbed by the piles of books all over her home because she had just tucked them NEATLY on their bookshelves five days before.

So, to make herself feel better she bought these:

And the husband of the house, we'll call him "Awesome", served Mommy a Devils Food Ice Cream Donut on top of a massive dainty pile of soft chocolate ice cream. And pretty soon she forgot about the piles of books everywhere and they lived happily ever after.

The End.

Good News. And Bad News.

Remember a few weeks back when I wrote about Racecar being so difficult to buy for?  About how easy it was for me to shop for Ariel?  And how when I asked Racecar what he wanted he responded with "a red racecar and a tree?"  Remember that?

I have GOOD NEWS!  He has finally added to his list.  Something he thought of all my himself and he talks about it all the time.  In fact, he thinks it's such a great idea that he thinks Santa should bring the same thing for his sister!

The bad news?

He wants a pair of boxing gloves.

And he wants them badly.

It's interesting that this child would want a pair of boxing gloves because we don't watch boxing, we do not encourage any type of fighting, organized or not, and we don't even talk about boxing.

Except we have The Wii to blame.  Which has boxing.  Which we do not let him play.  He has only experienced boxing while watching Daddy box or Crooked Eyebrow.  And that's it. And it's not often.

There are a lot of sports on Wii: baseball, tennis, golf, bowling.  Couldn't he have asked for a bowling ball?  A lovely little tennis racket?  A golf club?

Another interesting thing about his infatuation with boxing is that whenever he asks to play boxing, we tell him he can play when he is sixteen.

So, everyday, starts out with "am I sixteen today?" 

Which makes for a long, long day.

Last night, while Brian and I were shopping we did see things like this:

But I just could not, would not, get something that teaches my kid to become a better fighter.

I'm a little sad that dear old Santa will not be bringing Racecar his one big Christmas wish, but dear old Santa will not be bringing Racer his one big Christmas wish.

Tell me, am I being too sensitive?  Not only did I have one of these punching things when I was little, I also had daily fist fights with my siblings and look at me, I turned out just perfect fine okay, a little on the slow side.

Is my "soon to be" four year old too young for clown violence?

Tell me, please.  Help a sister out.

Finally

A pleasant waitress.

Kingpin

We are all real tired here at my house.  We spent the weekend with my sister and her family in Louisville, Kentucky.

And if you pronounced Louisville has LOO-EEE-VILLE, well, you would be wrong.  It's actually pronounced something to the tune of LOO-VULL.

I'm glad we cleared that up.

So we are tired and the mounds and mounds of laundry are causing me to have a slight coronary, but we had such a great time.  Makes it all worth it.

Yesterday, I showed you donuts with melted peanut butter and oreo cookie crumbs served on top of a glazed donut.  We dined on this again this morning, you can't buy those, you know.  My brother in law actually makes them, they're amazing.  He'd probably make one for you, too.  If you asked real nice.

So, you know how I'm real tired, right?  Well, I'm going to stop talking to you now and show you some pictures from this past week.  m'kay?

Here is Racecar partaking in his favorite past time, he hearts bowling and does a fine job of it.  He bowled a 32.

He also hit the ball directly into the gutter guard, which made it fall and then the ball stopped dead in the gutter.
I was so proud.

He takes his Wii bowling very seriously, too.

Toy bowling is important, too.  Practice, practice, practice.

Here's Ariel, she bowled a little better, but was mostly concerned that her ball was green.  And not pink.

PBA, here they come.

A Very Important Decison Has Been Made.

We may all move on to the next important decision.

After fussing and considering and deep contemplation - we have reached a decision regarding Ariel's bangs.

You know the bangs - I wrote about them before, many of you encouraged me and offered wonderful, sound advice. 

Then yesterday, while riding in the car, Ariel said "Mom, I want my bangs cut."  And after asking her "are you sure?" for the next six hours, I called my stylist and said it was time, we give up.

She got us in this morning and it was the best decision ever.

Before.  You must believe me when I say that she is in there somewhere.

During:

After.  Oh, the loveliness of it all. 

Welcome back, Ariel.  As soon as we got into the car after the big cut, Ariel exclaimed "I NEVER, NEVER WANT TO GROW MY BANGS AGAIN!!!"

Apparently, she's pleased with this decision. 

And so am I.