I Should Be Folding Laundry

Misadventures of a Sweaty Lady

Today, I ran around like a crazy person.  I spent 3 hours looking for a dress for a wedding that I am in THIS SATURDAY.  I'm the only attendant, the matron (read: old lady) of honor.

I spent 3 hours looking in mirrors and hating how I look.

I spent 3 hours covered in tummy sweat, boob sweat and mustache sweat.  All while wearing spanx.  I was very, very attractive, kinda what an old hot dog looks like sitting out in the sun on a buffet table at a barbecue.

Yes, that's exactly what I looked like.

First, at the mall, I dodged 10 associates trying to make me smell perfume or cologne.  Why do they still do this?  Did you know they wear regular clothes now?  I was tricked, I thought the first lady was a friendly customer but instead she shoved a piece of paper doused in COLOGNE into my hands, which I carried around for so long that I got a headache and never did find a garbage can so I slid it into my back pocket which means the smell is stuck on me forever because you know how often I wash my jeans. 

Also, did you know that at David's Bridal, they don't even have mirrors in their dressing rooms, so you have to GO OUT IN PUBLIC to look at yourself in the mirror?  Torture.  I think I'll write the company.

Dear Mr. David's Bridal,

I entered your store today, hoping to find a dress for a wedding I am in this Saturday.  Yes, I know, it's very last minute, your associate acted like I was a lunatic.  I shopped in your store and walked out feeling like crap.  Why?  Because for one, your size twelves are actually size eights, and that alone makes me want to punch you in the face.  And secondly, you made me walk out into the center of the store so I could look into the mirror - without even knowing what I looked like.  So, while parties were waiting for their brides to try on dresses in their mirror-less dressing rooms, they stared at me in a dress, that I couldn't zip, my legs are pasty white and the sweat all over my body made it look like I was in the middle of the boxing match.  And sometimes, I felt like I was in the middle of a boxing match because some of your dresses are SO complicated.  Once, I put my head through a sleeve and couldn't get it back off, another time I tried to pull a dress over my head to get it over my shoulders and the same dress I tried to pull up from the bottom but it wouldn't slide over my hips and it was a SIZE 12. 

At one point, I honestly thought I was stuck in a dress forever, which would have been bad because it was half on my body and half off of my body, and I would not have been able to call Brian from my cell phone to come rescue me because my arms were sticking straight up in the air. 

No lie.

I wonder, do you have video cameras inside your dressing rooms?  Because if you do, I provided you with hours and hours of side splitting laughter. Perhaps consider serving margaritas and ho-hos and I could join you with the laughter.  That would be grand.

And one more thing, there is no doubt that A MAN started this business.  Because Dave, I kinda think you are a jerk.  No offense.

Love,
The Sweaty, Pale, Size Ten, Old, Dressless Bridesmaid

The only good thing that happened during my shopping trip is that I thought I was being hit on by an older gentlemen, except he wound up being homeless and asked me for a quarter.  I was kinda bummed.  It felt a little like when you go to a restaurant and you get carded and you say something like "wow, thanks!  I love being carded!"  And the server responds with "I know, I'm sorry, I have to card everyone under 40."

Buzz kills all around.

Enough of this depressing fat girl dress talk, let's talk Father's Day...I have dusted off my good ol' review blog and decided to do some reviews once again.  I have decided to become much more particular about items that I review - which means I will only review items that I would actually use or buy in my everyday life.  So - head there, because I have a new fangled techie thing that I am reviewing and also? on Thursday, come back to that same review blog for a HUGE GIVEAWAY.

A new blog. A new giveaway.

Well, it was inevitable - I have created a review blog.  You see, if you have Blogher Ads, which I do, and you do reviews, which I sometimes do, then that is technically a conflict of interest, according to Blogher Ads.  So, to be a good rule follower, I have created A Review Blog.  And there just so happens to be a review up now - and it's something I LOVE.

And I'm giving one away.  All you have to do is leave a comment (not on this post, people!)  Hurry, hurry - go there now.  Your chance to win ends this Thursday!

Yo Gabba Gabba!

Alright look. I don't know why it's called Yo Gabba Gabba and I have no idea how the creators came up with this show, but I LOVE it.

A few weeks ago I was mailed a copy of the series premiere of this show.  When I receive such items in the mail, I do not have to watch any of these DVDs, nor do I have to blog about them.  I looked through the paperwork and knew I would want to view the show, but I honestly did not think I would like it, but I do, I really like Yo Gabba Gabba.

As do my children.  Other people's kids, too.  And other Moms.  It's a very different show, with great music and cute interesting characters.  I love DJ Lance, I'm not sure why, but I do.  His character is very different than most you see on children's TV, I think the change is a great one.

The first episode is filled with songs that my children sing all of the time, songs that have to do with everyday life.  For instance, a new and fun clean up song and a song about trying new foods, even a fun song about brushing your teeth.

The premiere is this Monday, the 20th,  on Nick Jr.  Check it out.  I can almost guarantee that the first time you watch it, you'll think it's too weird, just give it more time.  I think you'll like it.  Or as Yo Gabba Gabba says "Try it!  You'll like it!" 

Febreze Candle Giveaway!

I was recently given the opportunity to try out the new Febreze candles.  Here's the scoop on these candles:

"Febreze Candles have an advanced core that can eliminate odors while freshening the air with a clean scent. Five of your favorite Febreze fragrances are available, including Apple Spice & Delight™."

I like to relate this product to one particular time, ages ago, when I wanted to cover up the smell of cigarette smoke, so I sprayed my favorite body spray, at the time, Freesia, all over the room to try to mask the ciggy smell.  That left me with freesia flavored cigarettes, and every time I sprayed Freesia, it reminded me of cigarettes and I still, to this day, can not stand that smell.  All thanks to that experience.

Febreze says these candles will get rid of that not so lovely smell and provide you with a pleasant scent and I have to tell you, it's true.  Very true. (without going into details, I can tell you...it's true.)   I'm also impressed with the burn time, last week I burned this candle for eleven hours and there's still plenty of candle left.  And I look forward to burning it, to be honest with you.

GOOD NEWS FOR YOU!  I'm giving away an Apple Spice and Delight Candle to four lucky winners!  All you have to do is leave a comment at this post by Thursday evening, August 2nd at 11:59 pm EST, AND link back to this giveaway on your blog.  Share this contest with your readers!  Don't have a blog?  That's okay, just leave a comment!

Winners will be announced on Friday, August 3rd.

GOOD LUCK!!

Good stuff

So, listen.

There is a review up on my other blog.  A cereal review.  Cereal that rocks my world.  Cereal that I am eating right now.  Seriously!  I am!  So, go there.

Oh and there's a giveaway there, too. Oh yes there is.

shoo fly shoo.

Pretty in Pink

I was lucky enough to have been asked to review the iPod nano with gift box and chocolate candy.  And it arrived on Saturday.  And it was a good, good day.  Because what is better than sitting on the couch, listening to Chris Tomlin, Seal and Justin Timberlake on your pink iPod, while eating Milk Chocolate Meltaways?

It shouldn't be new news to you that I like chocolate a little bit.  Just a little, just like McDreamy is a little bit sexy or how Carrottop is a little bit annoying.

When I was opening my box o' iPod and chocolate, I can honestly say that my mouth was sweating thinking about milk chocolate, and it did not disappoint.  I'm proud to say that I still have a few pieces of chocolate left, which I better eat by Tuesday.  But the iPod?  Holy Mother of All That is Good, this thing is awesome.  Today, while folding laundry I listened to my pretty pink iPod, and then, THEN, I purchased one of these cassette adapters and popped it into my cassette player in my car, connected it to my iPod and I was LISTENING TO THE MUSIC FROM THIS LITTLE PINK WONDER.  It was awesome.  Once I upgraded my current iTunes software to the current version (which is free) and downloaded all 6000 thousand songs that I had on my computer, it has been an incredible product, that I am so excited to use.  all of the time. 

While working in the garden, or on a walk, in the car, while cleaning, mowing the lawn, while watching my neighbors through binoculars, grocery shopping, eating nachos.  So many possibilities.  Plus, adding songs was so easy that I did it ALL MY MYSELF!  Without asking my computer genius husband.  That is impressive.

This really would be a great gift to any Mother for Mother's Day, remember, it's a special edition, available until Mother's Day at Best Buy.  So hurry.   To all you boys out there reading this blog, all four two one of you.  Treat your wife to something very special, she will love it.

oh, did I mention that you can also store pictures on this iPod?  and play games?   It's awesome.