I Should Be Folding Laundry

If you are hungry - don't look

Just another reason why we love it here.

Greetings

Well, hello there.  I just thought I would check in from our little vacation.  So far, things have gone real well, especially considering I slept with a garbage can last night and not because I was drunk.  Maybe it was because of this, who knows?

Either way, I appear to feel better today, which is great because we have 10 hours of shopping planned for today.   It's a good thing we purchased these.  Neither one of us own a pair, just my kids, so it was time and well....why did I wait so long?  Oh yeah, I was waiting for jeans season, much cuter with jeans.

You're Only a Day Away

This has been an interesting day.  I've experienced the Good.  And the Bad.  The Ying.  And the Yang.

Let's start from the beginning:

I woke up early to take a shower. 
Was running on time.
Was stopped by a train, that stopped itself on the tracks. 
Was late to school.

Got home.
Checked blood pressure.  It was very high.
Called my doctor, called back, wants me to keep my BP meds the same, but lower my thyroid medicine, even though those levels were fine.  What a nightmare. 

Went to the mall.  Walked up to the concierge to get a double car stroller thing, the bald, gay man behind the counter told me Ariel needed to stand under the kangaroo to make sure she wasn't too tall for the stroller, he found she was an inch too tall and refused to give me a stroller.  I wanted to stick my designer bag up his $%#, but didn't because I love my bag.  I did angrily say in an angry devil voice "IT'S ONLY AN INCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  And walked away.  To my friends who live in the area, feel free to walk by the Very Powerful Bald Gay Man the next time you are at THE MALL and throw gummy bears at him.  (and then tell me about it)

For those thinking I don't need a stroller for one crazy 3 year old and a lunatic 4 year old, you're wrong, my blood pressure is high, that's why I wanted one.  Okay?  Now stop judging me!

Anyway, I came home from that delightful adventure getting costumes at the Disney store and battling Very Power Bald Gay Man and saw that I won a $100 gift card for Target over at Chased by Children.  I mean, seriously?!?!  MOI?  I'm not sure what I'll buy.  I'd like to buy something nice for my house, like a piece of furniture or something for my walls, that way when I look at it I could think of Jenny and her fabulous hair, er, I mean personality.  If Target sold Tattoos I would get one that said "I heart Jenny from Chicago," but luckily they don't.

Then I was putting the lunatic and the crazy one down for their naps and my friend, Lynette called me and told me to contact the Oprah show because they were accepting requests to get on the show when Seal is on.  For those that do not know, I ADORE and worship the ground Seal walks on and always have.  I love Seal.  Brian loves Seal.  My kids love Seal.  So, please, won't you cross your fingers for me?   I even had an online "conversation" with him about how I used to sing his songs to my kids as lullabies and he said it inspired him to do a lullaby album, that he had always considered doing it in the past and this was a good push.  I mean, no one deserves this more then me, okay?

Lynette is an Oprah Show Guru.  She' s been there four times in three years and has taken me twice.  Apparently two of the times she was mad at me.  The first time we went we got free stuff, like dinnerware, wine glasses and votive holders.  The next time we went we had breakfast with Oprah, she served us croissants flown in from France and cupcakes flown in from L.A.  And coffee so strong my eyeballs popped out of my head.

It was worth it.  Who needs eyeballs?

Speaking of Lynette, she's a dear friend of mine.  I wouldn't trade her for the world.  Well, unless the world was made of chocolate, then I would.  But she understands.  It's important for me to tell you that she has started blogging.  She started before but took a break, (for eight months) and is back on it again.  So won't you pay her a visit and say "hello?"  If you are really friendly to her, she may come clean your house.  Not that I would know.  ahem.

Tomorrow, Brian and I are leaving for a lovely Fall getaway and won't be back until Tuesday night.  We are going without children.  We are going with my sister and her husband.  It works like this:

We stay at a condo on a golf course.
The boys get an unlimited golf package
They drink ridiculous amounts of beer
Sister and I shop and eat and shop and then eat ice cream
We have dinner
Get drunk
go to bed.
Wake up and repeat.

This is a annual tradition, we travel to southern Indiana.  My sister lives in Louisville, so it's great to spend this one and one time with her.  This is our seventh year in a row.  This is the first time since 2002 that one of us hasn't been pregnant or nursing.

So, if you don't hear from me, that's where I'll be.  But maybe you will.  Who knows?

Picture show

Isn't she lovely?  This is my little niece and she turned one last week.  This weekend, Brian, Ariel, Racecar and I hopped in our trusty minivan and headed down south to Louisville, Kentucky.  It was a fine time filled with lots of good food, good drink, little sleep and birthday cake, oh and poker.

We left on Friday in a mad dash for the door.  I was running so far behind, I had my blood work done, I worked out, made a stop and got home at 11:20 am.  We were planning to leave for our weekend getaway at 1 pm.  We hadn't packed a thing, I needed to shower, fax some forms to make sure our 5K t-shirts arrived on time, feed the kids and our house was a stinkin' mess. (A DISASTER, I TELL YOU!) I showered, packed, fed the kids cheeseburgers in the car and left the house a stinkin' mess (A DISASTER, I TELL YOU!) and we left at 1:23 pm. 

We really had such a nice time.  The adults stayed up too late and drank too much, luckily all of our kids slept well and slept long which made the lack of sleep bearable.   I only took 350 pictures from Friday night to Sunday morning.  I love my camera.  See, I take important pictures like this:

And yummy pictures like this:

And pictures of Ariel when she is deep in thought:

And handsome Racecar pictures:

and wild party pictures:

The girl on the right reads my blog (don't blush, KW!):

And here's a picture of me in my finest hour (in other words: just a teensy weensy bit tipsy):

So, there you have it.  A good weekend with great company.

You can imagine our surprise when we had only been on the road for less than one hour on our way home, and it was ONE HUNDRED DEGREES outside when our air conditioning stopped working and our car began making an awful grinding noise.

I'm not going to go into specifics, because it's long and complicated and just puts me in a really bad mood and I'm bound to use four letter words, but we are home after seven and a half hours (when the trip typically takes four hours), we are five pounds lighter thanks to sweating and our van is now sitting at the shop waiting for some guy to look at it, fix it and then charge us six million dollars just so we don't sweat like pigs any longer.

It will be totally worth it.

Not sure what the point is. oh yeah. I'm lazy.

hmmm...blogging on Saturday, I haven't blogged on a Saturday in ages.  Not for any reason in particular, other than I'm rarely home on Saturdays. 

So, I'm still at home alone with the kids and although they are being pretty good, I'm finding myself to be pretty short fused and totally unmotivated.  The last time Brian went out of town for business, or what I like to call his "vacation,"  which is totally me being a jerk, because the guy is working his tail off RIGHT NOW with only three hours of sleep, anyway, the last time he was gone I cleaned my house all of the time and did other projects.  and now, well.  Let's just say I am not. 

One of the times he was away was in April and I was pretty sure I was going on the energy I had pent up from winter.  My house was very clean and then Brian came home from LA and it wasn't clean anymore.  But then he left again and I cleaned again and he came home New York and it was messy again.  Not a fun cycle, but I'd rather he be home and my house messy than him being gone and my house be clean.

But now, my house is a mess and he's gone and it's the pits.  I don't like it.

By the way, I just dropped a S'mores pop tart on my laptop.  The gooey marshmallow and melted chocolate splattered on my laptop, but I'm not mad at the pop tart.  You did hear me say marshmallow and chocolate, right?  Being mad at the pop tart would be like becoming angry at a newborn or a little kitten.  Nothing that a little licking won't fix.

My tornado-like children are not making my life any easier, everywhere I go there is a Thomas the Tank Engine on the floor, hiding in the corner or underneath the couch laughing at me saying "you can't keep up, beyotch!  WE ARE EVERYWHERE!!"  And then I start to feel defeated and a little crazy, to be honest with you.

I decided I needed a nice starting point and I scanned the room and saw princesses and Pottery Barn Kids catalogs (Ariel's favorite) and Thomas the Tank engines and dress up clothes and matchbox cars and eighty million markers and thirty thousands sheets of paper.  So, I decided to start with the crayons and paper, but when I looked at my cabinet where I store them, it was a total disaster.  It was almost as if the children sat in the cabinet, removed every crayon and marker and coloring book and notebook and threw them up in the air to see where they landed and then walked away.  Leaving it for me to clean, which I did, just today.

It was fun, I utilized the now empty containers that were in the cabinet and actually filled them up (again) with crayons and markers and pens and pencils.  I then tested every marker and sadly, I through away about eleven dollars in markers, but I don't care.

Look, I took a picture of the finished product for you.  (I wish I had taken a before picture, I swear to you that you would not have know there was a shelf in there.)  First, you can see how sneaky I am about hiding this God forsaken mess, I purchased this shelf, which I love, this spring and I knew when I saw it that the cabinets underneath the shelves would be a great place for Arts and Crafts (fyi, arts and crafts at my home equals crayons and paper and some stickers).  Brian then securely fastened the shelving until to the wall and viola, this is what we have!

Doors closed:

See the white box to the right of the shelf with the forty cords sticking out of it?  That's decorating a la Brian.  magnificent, no?

Doors opened:

ahhh...the beauty, for about one more hour.

So, we will eat lunch, I will find another project, which may or may not include closing my eyes and then we'll be heading off to my niece's birthday party, she's two.

It's our FIFTH birthday party this week.  We have another one more tomorrow.

Why yes, I am poor now.  Poor and happy.  Poor and happy and fat from cake and ice cream.

Oh and I know I mentioned eating a S'Mores pop tart, please don't mention that to the creator of Tales from the Scales, I heard she's a meanie, a real ninja.  It's our little secret.

I really do want to blog!

But I'm so tired and I ate so much food tonight that I can hear my stomach stretching.  It's a very strange sound, one that I hope I don't hear for a very, very long time.

Friends, we are home.  At last.  We arrived home at approximately 3:00 p.m. and we were completely unpacked, with laundry in the washer and dryer and out the door for dinner by 5:15 p.m.  we gotz mad skillz, dawg.

Don't get me wrong, Tornado ONE and Tornado TWO have already turned our pre-vacation cleaned home until a total disaster area, but that's okay, because I am staying home tomorrow and not working and not planning a vacation and I grocery shopped tonight after unpacking and laundry and going to dinner and did I mention my skillz????  Oh and I should probably mention that at 3:02 p.m. both children started crying because they wanted to go to the "beach house with the big pool in North Carolina" and we were like, but look, we have a sprinkler!

So, needless to say, I'm exxxxhausted.  And if I eat another piece of food that I do not make from my own kitchen within the next seven days, I will totally gross out because I'm SICK OF EATING OUT, like literally sick, full, like gag me with a spoon, like totally.

And that's just from driving because whilst at the beach house, which totally rocked, (SIL agrees) we only ate out two times.  That's right, two.  As in dos times.  (and one of the times, we dined without children and I ate GROUPER, as in the fish, which is crazy because I don't eat fish, but it was good.  cuz it was fried.)   

So, the food on the road is not sitting well in my belly, at all.  And my weight?  Well, it's up there real nice.  But it's not real nice because it SUCKS, all those weeks of losing weight and then I go on a vacation and gain it ALL back.  (but, come closer, I have a secret...I really don't think I care because I WAS ON VACATION!!!!) Anyway, perhaps you are sensing my delirium, perhaps you are not, but my tired, overstuffed body, who couldn't even eat nachos tonight totally has to get into bed, but not before checking out the ever important TIVO in my bedroom which will keep me up ALL NIGHT LONG because I've neglected it for eleven days.

Home sweet home.

it's. over.

Our vacation is over.

Are you happy now?

Just 800 more miles to drive and then we’ll be home. On Monday. And then we still have to finish our fence. Apparently, the fourth of July is this week, how did that happen?

We did have a fantastic vacation, I mean, wow. Great company, amazing house, fabulous weather, (well, except the last two days) and very good food. It’s hard to believe we have been gone for so very long. I have to say I have never been on such a long vacation before and I do believe I’ll be doing it again. And again. And again.

We are driving through Raleigh-Durham right now as I type and we’ve had more excitement in the past 40 minutes on the ride home than we did on the entire 2 ½ days here. We had decided at the last minute to get off for dinner right at 6:15 p.m. Brian spotted a Sonic and knowing his wife’s greasy tot-loving taste buds, he suggested we stop there. The service was very fast and good. We got back on the expressway when we pulled over for two very fast state troopers. It was then I said to Brian “oh great, there’s probably a car accident.” That was an understatement, after stopping in solid traffic, we were passed by a fire truck and two additional police cars and they were making everyone turn around. It was like a mass exodus off of the road, it was freaky and dangerous and what was worse is that we were in Raleigh-Durham. Where we have never been before. Good times. I had said to Brian, “you know, if we had just kept on driving and not stopped at Sonic, we wouldn’t be sitting here in traffic, then again, if we hadn’t gotten off, would we have been in what appeared to be a tragic accident?”

Luckily Brian had his trusty old Crackberry with him and found our way back to the expressway, only to get on and miss our exit .2 miles later. We turned around, got on to the correct exit and went about our merry way, only to be trailed by another speeding trooper we was pulling over a car going faster than Brian. Which is odd, because Brian is usually the faster driver.

We should be stopping at about 9:00 p.m. for the night and then heading to

Louisville

tomorrow night.

I had planned on reading an entire book on vacation, but could never get into it as the kids were near the pool n’ all, so therefore I was distracted. But I’m reading it now, in the car. Well not right now, I’m blogging.

Then again, I had planned to eat fairly healthy and well, that didn't happen either. whatever.

Back to the hills and curves of West Virginia tomorrow.

Rainy

Everyday this week, at this very time, we have been either in the pool or a few feet away from it.  But not today, because it's storming and that SUUUUUCKS.  dawg.

The only nice thing about it is that both of my darling, energetic children are in bed right now, which is very relaxing for me, therefore, I blog.  And drink coffee and try not to eat oatmeal creme pies and ice cream and chips ahoy.  oh, the chips ahoy.

We head home tomorrow which does not make me happy, I'm we are very bummed, I really am enjoying this vacation life.  A little too much, it's not just the house, the sun, the pool, the food, the shopping.  It's the lack of schedules.  The lack of crap to do all of the time.  I realized I am so tired of always having an agenda, it seems I always have something to do, every single hour of the day, and I'm tired of it.  Vacation life suits me, therefore, I need to try to make my life a little bit more like vacation life, because you only live once, you know?

We head home tomorrow and we'll drive for two nights and get home on Monday.  We have been gone for one week today.  Ariel is terribly bummed that we are leaving, she loooooves the pool and the beach house.  She's basically a beach bum, who tans amazingly.  Unlike her Mother, who glows in the dark.  Racecar, on the other hand, pretty much wants to go home, cause you know, that's where his train table and the rest of his cars are and well, his heart is with those cars.

Alright, time to sign off as my laptop battery is about to die and I can hear Ariel stirring...will check back soon, from a hotel, perhaps.  You know, a hotel away from the ocean and the sound and the word island.  And pool. 

gah.

P.S.  Being the good mother, I tried to upload a picture of Ariel, as well.  However, Typepad is being a total b*tch and won't let me.  Too bad, it was a cute picture.

Vacation and Twinkies

For some reason I thought I would have soooo much time to blog since I'm vacation.  Whatever.  I had it all wrong.  I completely under estimated the amount of energy it took to lay by the pool and chase the kids around this 4000 square foot beach house, up and down three flights of stairs.  Also, playing games, eating and drinking???  That's tiring, too!  I go to bed at night, intending to blog and read blogs and what not and I wake up the next morning and I'm all like "what the heck happened? who are you?  Where am I?  Where's my nachos?"  Now that is tired.

BUT, I wanted to take a few minutes before steak and cheesecake to share one of my favorite low fat dessert recipes.  And if you'd like more low fat dessert recipes or you'd like to share one, go here.  Okay? 

So, here you go.  The dessert is MOCK TWINKIES.  The taste is DELICIOUS.  I promise.

two points, friends.  Two points.  Here's the recipe, I'll check back soon.  or not.  P.S.  I miss you and I love you.

Serves - 24
Points - 2

1 pkg. Duncan Hines Moist Deluxe Butter Flavor cake mix
12 ounces diet lemon-lime soda
2 large egg whites
1 cup Cool Whip Free

 

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

In large bowl, combine cake mix, diet soda and 2 egg whites; beat for 2 minutes until well mixed.

Line two 12 cup muffin tins with paper liners. Fill each liner 2/3 full with cake batter. Bake for 18 - 20 minutes. Cool in pan for 10 minutes. Remove to wire rack to cool completely.

Once cupcakes are completely cool, fill a pastry bag fitted with a star tip with the Cool Whip Free. Insert tip into center of each cupcake and fill with Cool Whip. Refrigerate.

Nutrition Information:
98 Cal., 2 g. fat, 0 g. fiber

Somewhere with Rocky Raccoon

We are in West Virginia as I begin writing this post. I have never been to West Virginia; it’s very hilly and curvy, versus Indiana, which is flat and straight. Very flat. Very straight. And West Virginia is very hilly and very curvy. Did I mention that? Because it’s not really good for my heart to sit in the car while Brian literally drives 80 mph around the mountains while eating a fruit & yogurt parfait. 

Last night we stayed in Louisville at my sister’s house. It was fun and we drank a lot and today I’m tired. Plus, I still have my cold, as do Ariel and Racecar. Ariel and Racecar also do not sleep in the car. Have I mentioned that? They stopped sleeping in cars about 3 years ago. Luckily, the DVD player is keeping them busy. The DVD player with headphones. I don’t think I could stand a seventy hour road trip while listening to Max and Ruby or Cailou. I’m not sure why the children are so captivated by these characters, but they are and at this point in my trip, that makes me very, very happy. Instead, I have heard “are we still driving? and “where are we going?” and “is this our vacation?” six bazillion times.

I will never move to West Virginia. Too many hills, too many curves.

We stopped awhile back to go potty. I actually had to run out of the car ahead of Brian and the kids because my bladder was so full, urine was seeping from my pores. The gas station/restaurant/pizza parlor/convenience store had stairs to climb in order to get into the gas station/restaurant/pizza parlor/convenience store, I was about to climb the stairs when I noticed that someone had vomited right at the foot of the stairs. It was nice. I wanted to yell and warn Brian but I couldn’t because the pee situation I had going on. When I came out of the gas station/restaurant/pizza parlor/convenience store Brian was outside the door, standing there. Ariel had dropped her flip flop below the stairs. Next to the vomit. Brian went to get it and when he came out from underneath the stairs a woman was standing their, looking at Brian sympathetically, assuming he was the one who had vomited.

We still have a few hours left of driving today, the kids are yawning and fighting the z’s that are trying to enter their tired little bodies. I learned how to play Soduko (suduko? soduku?) to try to keep my mind off of how Brian drives. I am incapable of sleeping in the car, too, I guess we know where the kids get it from.

So many hills and curves.

A-ha! We are now in Virginia. Certainly it will flatten out in Virginia, right?